Sausage Party (2024 film)/Transcript

This is the transcript for the 2024 reboot of the original 2016 film, Sausage Party.

Part 1: Opening/"The Great Beyond"
(Shows Sony logo)

(Shows Columbia Pictures logo)

(Shows Sony Pictures Animation logo)

(Shows Annapurna Pictures logo)

(Shows Good Universe logo)

(Shows Point Grey Pictures logo)

(Shows TSG Entertainment II logo)

(The scene fades to a suburb in Los Angeles in the evening. The sun is setting in the sky. The opening credits appear as the camera pans through the houses in the suburb.)

Columbia Pictures and Annapurna Pictures Present

In Association With Good Universe and TSG Entertainment II

A Point Grey Vertigo Entertainment and Lord Miller Production

A Sony Pictures Animation Film

(As the opening credits come to a close, the camera stops at a two-story house where a human woman and her two children live. The scene cuts to the woman in the living room. Her name is Camille Toh. Camille is a tall, slender, and curvaceous 44-year-old woman who is distinguished by her impressive long legs, wide hips, big buttocks, birthing thighs, slender physique, perky breasts, and the namesake prominent camel-toe. She wears her long red hair in a 1950s-style bouffant, a pink blouse with a purple belt, tight-fitting mint green stretch pants, hoop earrings, and plum-colored attire, including high heels, a vest, and a hairband. Camille is trying to find something interesting to watch on TV but to no avail. Finally, she gives up and turns off the TV. She gets up from the couch and starts calling her children.)

Camille Toh: Carrie! Michael! Come downstairs to the living room!

(Camille's two kids appear as they meet up with her in the living room. The first is an 18-year-old girl named Carrie, and the second is a 14-year-old boy named Michael.)

Michael: Hi, Mom.

Camille: Hi, sweetie.

Carrie: What is it, Mom?

Camille: I called you here because I have something to tell you. Come. Sit with me.

(Camille, Carrie, and Michael sit on the couch together.)

Camille: Alright, my dear children. I think it's time that I told you a little story.

Carrie: Really?

Michael: Cool! What kind of story, Mom?

Camille: Well, Michael, it's the story of a sausage named Frank and how I met him. Now, pay close attention to what I'm about to tell you.

(The scene cuts to Carrie checking her phone for text messages.)

Camille: (off-screen) You too, Carrie.

(Carrie looks at Camille.)

Camille: Put your phone away and listen to the story.

(Carrie turns off her phone, puts it away, and starts paying attention to Camille.)

Camille: Okay. Here I go. (clears her throat) Once upon a time...

(The scene fades to the city of Los Angeles in the morning. The sun is rising above the horizon in the morning sky.)

Camille: (narrating off-screen) ...in the city of Los Angeles, California, the city we humans are from...

(The scene fades to a store sign. The sign features a smiling sun with the text "Shopwell's" at the bottom. The camera pans down to a large Whole Foods-style supermarket called Shopwell's.)

Camille: (narrating off-screen) ...there stands a supermarket called Shopwell's. That's where Frank and his fellow groceries live.

SAUSAGE PARTY

(The scene cuts to the interior shot of the store. From aisle to aisle, the lights flicker on. The scene cuts to the store's manager, a nerdy man named Darren, walking to the sliding doors while yawning and stretching his arms. He unlocks them for the customers to come in and walks away to his office. The scene cuts to a package of ten sausages and a package of ten hot dog buns at the front display. One of the sausages in the sausage package, Frank, wakes up and sees the customers approaching as the store opens.)

Frank: Shit. Carl. Carl. Carl, Carl! (wakes up his sausage brothers) Dude, we slept in again. The song's about to start!

Carl: (wakes up) Shit, Frank! We can't miss the song. (wakes up a small deformed sausage named Barry) Barry, wake up!

Barry: What? What? I'm up. I'm up.

Frank: This song is such an awesome way to start every morning.

Carl: It's just a super nice way of showing the gods how much we appreciate everything they'll do for us... once they take us out those doors to the Great Beyond.

Barry: God, I love them so much.

Frank: Oh snap, oh snap! Corn's about to start singing! Drop it, Corn! You got the best voice!

Carl: You're the man, Corn! You rule! Take it away, bruh!

(In the bucket full of corn, one ear of corn starts to sing.)

Ear of Corn: (singing) ♪ Dear Gods / You're so divine in each and every way / To you, we pray ♪

(The scene cuts to a red cabbage being picked up and carried away by a female human shopper.)

Red Cabbage: (singing) ♪ Dear Gods / We pledge our love to you forever more ♪

(The scene cuts to the candy aisle where seven bags of caramel corn appear and stand on seven platforms.)

Bag of Caramel Corn: (singing) ♪ We always felt we had a special bond ♪

Lollipop: (signing) ♪ Take us to the Great Beyond ♪

(A male human shopper grabs a package of six glass bottles of cola and puts it in his shopping cart full of other groceries.)

Six Glass Bottles of Cola: (signing) ♪ Where we're sure nothing bad happens to food ♪

(The camera pans to several cheeses singing at the dairy aisle.)

Cheeses: (singing) ♪ Once we're out the sliding doors, things will all be grand ♪

(The camera pans to several cartons of milk at the dairy aisle.)

Milk: (singing) ♪ We will live our dreams together in the promised land ♪

(The camera pans to several bags of chips at the snack aisle.)

Bags of Chips: (singing) ♪ The Gods control our fate, so we all know we're in good hands ♪

(The scene cuts to several fruits and vegetables at the produce aisle.)

Fruits and Vegetables: (singing) ♪ We're super sure there's nothing awful waiting for us in the Great Beyond ♪

(Two watermelons fly across the screen as the scene transitions to three plastic bottles of cola in a shopping cart of other groceries being driven by a male human shopper.)

Three Plastic Bottles of Cola: (singing) ♪ And every aisle thinks something different ♪

(The shopper grabs a jar of honey mustard and places him in his shopping cart.)

Honey Mustard: Oh, my God! I've been chosen! (laughs)

Condiments: (singing) ♪ And to this we all agree ♪

Honey Mustard: Booyah, bitches! I'm out of here!

(Two bottles of country cider appear as the scene transitions to them at the meat aisle. They're square dancing with four bottles of root beer, four bottles of barbecue sauce, four bottles of ranch, four bottles of ketchup, and four jars of paprika.)

Two Bottles of Country Cider: (singing) ♪ Everyone else is really stupid / Except for those who think like me ♪

(The scene cuts to several packages of chocolate chip cookies at the snack aisle. One of them stands out and sings.)

Package of Chocolate Chip Cookies: (singing) ♪ And me! ♪

(The scene cuts to several peppers at the produce aisle.)

Peppers: (singing) ♪ And me! ♪

(The scene cuts to a bottle of teriyaki sauce at the Asian food aisle.)

Bottle of Teriyaki Sauce: (singing) ♪ And me! ♪

(The camera pans to a bottle of soy sauce meditating.)

Bottle of Soy Sauce: (singing) ♪ Out there / For all eternity we'll meditate / How freaking great ♪

(The scene cuts to a package of Earl Grey tea bags sitting at the tea aisle. Then, a tea bag pops out of the package and appears at the top. Then, several more tea bags appear.)

Earl Grey Tea Bag: (speaking) Out there... (singing) ♪ We'll get to teabag every day at four ♪

Earl Grey Tea Bags: Pip pip!

(The scene cuts to several Greek olives at the olive bar.)

Greek Olives: (singing) ♪ We'll shove pimentos up our ass by Zeus ♪

(The scene cuts to a jar of sauerkraut named Führer Sauerkraut at the condiment aisle. He's an Adolf Hitler look-alike. His fellow sauerkraut soldiers salute him with their arms raised.)

Führer Sauerkraut: (singing) ♪ Ve'll exterminate ze juice / Und subjugate ze whole damn Great Beyond ♪

(The scene cuts to Frank, Barry, Carl, and seven other sausages at the front display. They're singing along with ten hot dog buns. One of them is Frank's girlfriend named Brenda.)

Frank, Barry, and Carl: (singing) ♪ In here / We keep our wieners in our packages / That's how it is ♪

Brenda and Two Other Hot Dog Buns: (singing) ♪ It sucks / But that's the way our buns keep fresh and pure ♪

Seven Other Hot Dog Buns: (singing) ♪ Baby, baby! ♪

Frank, Barry, Carl, and Seven Other Sausages: (singing) ♪ But once we're out the doors, it's not a sin ♪

Brenda and Nine Other Hot Dog Buns: (singing) ♪ For us to let you slip it in ♪

Frank, Barry, and Carl: (singing) ♪ In other words, we finally get to... ♪

Frank, Barry, Carl, and Seven Other Sausages: (singing) ♪ Bang! ♪

Brenda and Nine Other Hot Dog Buns: (singing) ♪ And love ♪

Frank, Barry, Carl, and Seven Other Sausages: (singing) ♪ And bang! ♪

Brenda and Nine Other Hot Dog Buns: (singing) ♪ And hug ♪

Frank, Barry, Carl, and Seven Other Sausages: (singing) ♪ And bang! ♪

Brenda and Nine Other Hot Dog Buns: (singing) ♪ And feel ♪

Frank, Barry, Carl, and Seven Other Sausages: (singing) ♪ And bang! ♪

Brenda and Nine Other Hot Dog Buns: (singing) ♪ And share ♪

(The scene cuts to a loaf of rye bread being picked up and carried away by a male human shopper.)

Loaf of Rye Bread: (singing) ♪ The Gods will always care for us ♪

(The scene cuts to several boxes of cake mix at the dessert mix aisle.)

Boxes of Cake Mix: (singing) ♪ They won't squeeze us out their butts ♪

(The scene cuts to several groceries being put into bags by several human cashiers.)

Groceries: (singing) ♪ We cannot overstate / How confident we are / That our beliefs are accurate / And nothing awful happens to us / in the Great Beyond!!! ♪

(The camera pans to the jar of honey mustard being put into a bag of other groceries by a female human cashier. She gives the bag to the male human shopper who chose the jar of honey mustard.)

Honey Mustard: Kiss my brownish-yellow ass! I'm going to the Great Beyond! Booyah!

(The male human shopper carries Honey Mustard and the other groceries away as he leaves the store.)

Part 2: Meet Frank and His Friends/The Dark Lord
(The scene cuts to several human shoppers in the store. They're shopping for food.)

Cashier: (voice on the intercom) We need an extra cashier to the front, please.

(The scene cuts to the same sausage and hot dog bun packages at the front display. A female human customer walks by with her shopping cart. She stops to grab a sausage package. Then, she walks away as she continues shopping.)

Camille: (narrating off-screen) This is how the story begins. It was a normal day at Shopwell's. The customers are buying groceries, and the groceries prepare themselves to be purchased and taken out of the store by the customers. They were preparing a feast in their homes for a special day, and that day was the Red, White, and Blue Day. Everyone was so excited about that special day, for it was about to begin tomorrow.

Frank: Boo and yah, my brothers. Red, White, and Blue Day is tomorrow!

Carl: Dudes, basically every single sausage gets chosen on Red, White, and Blue Day.

Frank: By this time tomorrow, we're all gonna be 5 inches deep in some bun, son. Ba-bam.

Barry: Oh, my God, yes.

Troy: (chuckles) More like 3 inches deep for Barry, you deformed nerd.

Barry: (laughs sarcastically) Troy, that's funny. You see, this is why I can't wait for the Great Beyond. We'll all be equal, and then jerks like Troy won't be picking on me all the time... on account of my abnormality.

Troy: Whatever, Barry. You're different, and that makes you weird.

Frank: Ignore that prick, Barry. He's full of shit. And don't forget, you've got girth. That's way more important than length. You're a fucking champ, yo.

Barry: You know, I am girthy. I could fill a bun. They'll know I'm there. I'm sure there's some kind of smushed bun out there waiting for me.

(The scene cuts to a box of cream cheese. She sees Darren approaching with his janitorial cart and screams in fear. Frank, Barry, and Carl see Darren as well.)

Frank: Crap! It's the Dark Lord!

(A Bavarian sausage sees Darren approaching. He grabs him and holds him over the trash can on his janitorial cart.)

Bavarian Sausage: No, wait! I'm still fresh. I swear! I'm still--

(Darren drops the Bavarian Sausage into the trash can.)

Bavarian Sausage: (screaming to his doom) FRE-E-ESH!!!

(The scene cuts to Frank, Barry, Carl, and Troy watching in horror.)

Carl: Did he see us?

Frank: No way.

Troy: We're fucked, bros!

Barry: Oh, God, no!

(Darren sees Frank, Barry, Carl, and the other sausages in their package.)

Carl: Take anyone but us, please!

(Darren grabs a different package of sausages instead.)

Sausage from the Different Package: What?! Oh no! Why us?

(Darren looks at the expiration date on the sausage package.)

Darren: Hmmm. Yep. They're expired. Goodbye, old sausages.

(Darren throws the package with the screaming sausages into the trash can. Then, he walks away with his janitorial cart.)

Darren: Man, I hate this job!

(Frank, Barry, Carl, and the other sausages in their package all sigh in relief.)

Carl: Phew! Are you okay? Is everyone okay?

Other Sausage #1: Yes.

Other Sausage #2: We're alright.

Carl: Oh, good. That's good to hear.

Frank: Man, that's super messed up about Bill and those guys. I mean, they stayed in their package. They even followed all the guidelines of the song. What do they get for it?

Barry: We're not supposed to understand the will of the gods, Frank. They work in mysterious ways.

Frank: I'm just saying since we base our lives on the song, it might be nice if there was some proof.

Carl: Proof? All the proof you need is right in front of you. Look at these big old buns.

(The scene cuts to Brenda and the other hot dog buns in their package. The sausages wolf-whistle upon seeing them.)

Carl: Yeah! You know it, baby. Work those buns! All of you. All day, "err" day. Lined up, waiting to get filled with my meat.

Brenda: Yeah. Right, Carl. You really think any of these buns will line up to get filled by you? Here's my impression of that: "Oh, is he in there yet? I can't feel him. I don't think he's in there. Oh, wait. He is." It's so sad. I bet you jackrabbit for a quick 15 seconds. You're like... (babbles while jackhammering) And then you slump over.

Carl: (glaring at Brenda) Grr!

Brenda: I mean, honestly, guys... who in this package would ever let Carl get up in them? Huh?

(One of the hot dog buns, Roberta, raises her hand.)

Brenda: Eh? Roberta, put your fucking hand down. You're ruining my joke.

Roberta: Sorry.

(Roberta lowers her hand meekly. Brenda rolls her eyes, sighs, and shakes her head.)

Brenda: Okay. Let me start over. Who... in this package of hot dog buns... would ever... let Carl, that perverted sausage, get up in them? Huh?

(There is a moment of silence. The sausages and hot dog buns silently stare at each other for three seconds. Finally, Brenda breaks the silence.)

Brenda: Ha! See? Nobody. That's who.

Carl: Hey, dude. Um... I don't know how to say this to you gently but... your girlfriend, um... she's an idiot, bro.

Frank: Shut up! She's fresh as hell, and you know it.

Carl: I don't know why you're limiting yourself to one bun. There's plenty of buns.

Frank: Because I believe in bunogomy. I'm a bunogamist. And when a bun this fresh is into you, all you ask is when and how deep. And the answer is: As soon as we get to the Great Beyond, and as deep as she'll fucking let me. I'm gonna talk to her. (starts talking to Brenda) Hey, Brenda. What up, girl? (chuckles) Sorry about those guys. Such stupid jerks, right?

Carl: Uh, I can hear you, dude.

Frank: (to Carl) Shut up. Screw you. (to Brenda) So, it looks like tomorrow's the big day, huh? (chuckles) You and me, finally gonna be official.

Brenda: I'm so happy the gods put our packages together.

Frank: It's because we belong together.

Brenda: It's like we were made for each other.

Frank: I can't wait to finally just get up in there. Just raw-dog it. But, full disclosure, I'm pretty fucking nervous about this. I don't know how well I'll perform once it happens. I've obviously never been in a bun before, so...

Brenda: Hey, I'm not gonna be any better. I've never opened up. I mean, look how tight I am.

Frank: Oh, sweet freaking fudge. Look, okay, I know it's against the rules, but I can't wait anymore. I need to just feel you.

Brenda: Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Frank and Brenda: Just the tips?

Brenda: I can't believe we're doing this.

(Frank sticks his hand out of his package while Brenda sticks her hand out of her package.)

Frank: I know. We're so naughty.

Brenda: But it's fine, right? I mean, nothing bad has ever happened from just the tips.

Frank: No. No, no, no, no.

(Frank and Brenda soon touch each other's fingertips.)

Frank and Brenda: Ah.

Frank: Oh, yeah, go in. Put it in there.

Brenda: Big tip.

Frank: Oh, you wouldn't dare.

Part 3: Honey Mustard Returns from the Great Beyond
(The scene fades to an interior shot of Shopwell's. Several human shoppers are seen shopping for food.)

Announcer: (voice on the intercom) Management to Cash 5. Management to Cash 5.

(A man returns to the store with Honey Mustard. He's the same man who purchased him. The man walks over to a woman at a checkout counter. Her name is Alex. She's one of the store's cashiers.)

Customer: Hi. Uh, excuse me.

Alex: Yes? Can I help you?

Customer: Yes, um, I meant to buy normal mustard, and when I got home, I realized I bought honey mustard. Is it cool if I just go to the condiments aisle and swap it?

Alex: Great. Whatever.

Customer: (raises an eyebrow) Is that a yes or a no?

Alex: I don't give a flying fuck, homeboy.

Customer: Oh, so you don't care if I do so. (shrugs) Eh. Works for me. Thanks.

(The man goes to the condiments aisle and places Honey Mustard back on the shelf with all the other condiments. Then, he grabs a bottle of mustard and leaves the store for good.)

Ketchup: Holy shit! You're back, man. Crazy! Did you go to the Great Beyond?

Honey Mustard: (shaken and irrational) Don't touch me, man! Ketchup, get your fucking hands off of me.

Ketchup: Whoa, whoa, whoa! What happened?

Honey Mustard: (hysterical) Oh, I'll tell you what freaking happened. I'll tell you exactly what happened in the Great Beyond, you dumb, red piece of crap!

Ketchup: What the?!

Honey Mustard: As soon as we step out those doors, that's when everything changes. It's like a black hole opening up, sucking us in, one by one, into a world that looks just like this one... only worse.

Ketchup: You mean Hell?

Honey Mustard: Well, yeah! The Great Beyond is exactly like Hell. It's a place where the Gods torture us groceries to death.

Ketchup: And how do they torture us?

Honey Mustard: Well, they simply consume us all! That's how! We mustn't go there!

(Suddenly, Honey Mustard looks up to see an old Native American bottle of liquor named Firewater. He's standing among the plants at the top of a nearby shelf.)

Firewater: So, you have learned the terrible truth. Congratulations! Now keep it to yourself, or I will slit your throat while you sleep. I swear to God.

Honey Mustard: Oh, my God! Did you guys hear that?

Ketchup: What? What are you looking at?

(Honey Mustard finds Firewater already gone upon glancing where he supposedly stood at.)

Honey Mustard: He's gone. Where the heck did he go? I'm so messed up. (sobs) I'm so messed up. Ketchup, get the hell off of me. Nobody touch me!

Mayo: Um, Honey Mustard, are you alright?

Mustard: I don't think he's fine at all.

Mayo: Really?

Mustard: Yeah. I think he's lost his mind... like, he's going crazy.

Relish: Yeah. He's gone a little cuckoo.

Mayo: Oh, dear.

Mustard: What he needs is a visit to a psychiatrist.

Relish: Yeah. That'll fix him up.

Mustard: Oh, it will. Trust me.

Part 4: Camille at Shopwell's/Frank and Brenda Are Chosen Together/Meet Douche
(The scene fades to Camille's house in the suburbs. The scene cuts to Camille in the foyer. She's getting ready to go to Shopwell's.)

Camille: (narrating off-screen) And that's when I came into the picture. My name is Camille Toh. I'm a single mother of two children.

(The scene cuts to Camille, Carrie, and Michael in the living room.)

Camille: You are those two children, Carrie and Michael.

Carrie: We know, Mom.

(The scene cuts to Carrie in her room. She's practicing her pole dancing skills.)

Camille: (narrating off-screen) There's you, Carrie, my 18-year-old daughter.

(The scene cuts to Michael in his room. He's playing Minecraft on his computer.)

Camille: (narrating off-screen) And there's you, Michael, my 14-year-old son.

(The scene cuts back to Camille at the foyer.)

Camille: (narrating off-screen) Anyway, I was getting ready to go to Shopwell's. So, I summoned you two to the foyer.

(The scene cuts to Michael in his room. He's still playing Minecraft on his computer.)

Camille: (off-screen) Carrie! Michael! Come downstairs!

(Michael turns off his computer and leaves his room.)

Michael: Coming, Mom!

(Carrie and Michael go downstairs to see their mom in the foyer.)

Camille: Carrie, Michael, I'm going to the store to buy some food.

(Michael and Carrie frown.)

Carrie: Why, Mom?

Camille: So we can eat it. If we don't have enough food, we'll starve. We can't live without it. So, after I go to the store and buy some food, I'll return and feed you. Okay?

(Michael and Carrie nod.)

Michael: Okay.

Camille: Good. I'll be back. Bye.

(Carrie and Michael wave goodbye as Camille leaves the house and gets into her 2022 Honda Odyssey minivan. She starts the engine and drives away. The scene cuts to a shot of Camille heading to the local Shopwell's.)

Camille: (narrating off-screen) After saying goodbye to you two, I went to Shopwell's and began shopping.

(Soon, she arrives and parks in the parking lot. She steps out of the car and enters the store. She makes her way to the front of the store, where she sees Alex working behind the checkout counter. She smiles and greets Camille.)

Alex: Hello.

Camille: Hi. I'm Camille.

Alex: Hi, Camille. I'm Alex.

Camille: It's nice to meet you, Alex.

Alex: Likewise. So, how can I help you?

Camille: Well, Alex, I have two children to feed. I'm looking for... (takes out her shopping list and checks it) sausages, hot dog buns, ketchup, mustard, honey mustard, mayo, and wine. Do you know where I can find them?

Alex: For the sausages, they're in the meat section over there. (points to the meat aisle) For the hot dog buns, they're in the bread section over there. (points to the bread aisle) For the wine, they're in the alcohol section over there. (points to the alcohol aisle) As for the ketchup, mustard, honey mustard, and mayo, they're in the condiments section just over there. (points to the condiments aisle) You know where to find them.

Camille: Great. Thanks. Also, I'm looking for a douche for my camel toe. I think it's bothering me.

Alex: You can find some in the feminine hygiene section right over there. (points to the feminine hygiene aisle)

Camille: Oh, good. Because I need one. Thanks, Alex.

Alex: You're welcome. Goodbye.

Camille: Bye.

(Camille walks away as she begins shopping for the things from her shopping list. Alex watches her leave. Then, she looks at her watch.)

Alex: Shit! It's 5:55 PM. It's almost closing time!

(Alex turns on her webcam and starts speaking to the store's customers through the intercom.)

Alex: Attention, shoppers. The store is closing in five minutes. Get out! (turns off her webcam) Finally! I can't wait to go home.

(The scene cuts to Frank and his sausage brothers in their package and Brenda and her hot dog bun friends in their package at the front display. They see Camille walking towards them with her shopping cart.)

Frank: Hey, hey, hey, look at this. We got one. Stand up straight, boys!

(Frank, Barry, Carl, and the other sausages in their package stand tall to get Camille's attention. Brenda and the other hot dog buns in their package follow suit.)

Other Sausage #1: Hey! Over here!

Other Sausage #2: Choose us!

(Camille arrives at the front display with her shopping cart. Some of the groceries are in the cart.)

Potato: We're chosen!

Frank: Pick us! Pick our package!

(Camille grabs the sausage package that Frank, Barry, and Carl are in and puts it in her shopping cart.)

Frank: Brenda!

Brenda: Frank!

Barry: Oh, man. I'm freaking out. My heart's racing. I'm having an out-of-sausage experience. Yes!

(Brenda sees Camille reaching out to grab the hot dog bun package that she's in.)

Brenda: (gasps) Choose us! Look at us!

Frank: Oh, please, god.

Brenda: Choose us. Look at us! Oh, yes!

(Camille grabs the hot dog bun package that Brenda is in and puts it in her shopping cart.)

Frank: Nice!

Brenda: Whoo!

Frank: Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

Brenda: Yes! Frank, we've been chosen together.

Frank: Fucking A! Yeah!

Brenda: This is so cool!

(Camille drives her shopping cart to the feminine hygiene aisle. Several groceries in the cart are cheering with anticipation.)

Loaf of Bread: I'm chosen! I got chosen!

Milk: Oh, yeah! I'm going to the Promised Land!

Jar of Honey: So am I!

Banana: I hear it's flowing with milk and honey.

Milk and Jar of Honey: We heard that!

(The banana smiles and chuckles nervously. He then gulps in fear.)

Cheese: I'm on my way!

(Camille stops to see a single douche on the shelf. All the other douches have been sold out. She grabs the douche and puts him in her shopping cart.)

Douche: Yo! Oh, fuck, yeah, dude. Somebody call a doctor because, honestly, this beat is sick.

Beet: Actually, I feel great. Real healthy.

Douche: Not you. The beat. The song, bro. Oh, shit, Chips!

Chips: Huh?

Douche: C-H-I-P-S, Chips, Chips, Chips, Chips. I've known you forever. I would never disrespect you with a lie. I will tell you very much that you look fucking disgusting, bro.

Chips: Oh, come on.

Douche: (punches Chips in the groin) No, I'm just messing with you, bro. But for reals? You gotta hit the gym, bro. (walks towards a cocktail mixer) Oh, what's up? Yo, are you pink all the way through?

Cocktail Mixer: Ew.

Douche: (laughs) I'm fucking with you, but also serious. Is there a different color inside?

Cocktail Mixer: (grunts) What are you, even?

Douche: What do you mean, what am I, dude? I'm a fucking douche!

(The cocktail mixer rolls her eyes and walks away.)

Douche: You know how long I've been waiting up in this fucking market? I was starting to worry the gods didn't want douches no more.

(Douche grabs an egg from the egg carton and gets him to look at Camille.)

Douche: But look at her. (gazing at Camille's groin) She's a fucking 10, bro. The G-O-D is D-T-D... dude. Down to douche. And she's ready to be fucked.

Part 5: Camille Meets Frank/Honey Mustard Commits Suicide/Shopping Cart Collision
(The scene cuts to Camille at the condiments aisle. She's checking her shopping list.)

Camille: Now, let me see. Sausages, hot dog buns... Well, I got everything from my shopping list, including the one douche. I just need one more thing before I go. (sees Honey Mustard on the shelf) Oh, honey mustard. That's what I need.

(So, Camille grabs the weeping Honey Mustard and puts him on her shopping cart.)

Honey Mustard: (hysterical) What? No. This can't be happening. Not again. Oh, Jesus, not to me. Shit, shit, shit, shit! Get your hands off of me. Get off of me!

Irish Beer Can: Fecking gobshite!

Cocktail Mixer: Back off!

Honey Mustard: You don't even know what you're celebrating. You're celebrating your doom! Wake up! They're lying to your faces! THE GREAT BEYOND IS BOGUS! Why isn't anybody listening to me?!

Frank: Hey, buddy, are you all right?

Honey Mustard: No, I'm not all right. It's all a lie. Everything you've been told. Everything you believe in.

Carl: Hey, Honey Mustard. You're acting cray-cray!

Brenda: Carl, we shouldn't be talking to this weirdo. Everyone knows Honey Mustard's weird. What is he? Honey? Is he mustard? Like, make up your mind or just kill yourself.

Honey Mustard: You idiots! I've been there. I've seen that shit, and there ain't no way I'm going back.

Frank: Wait, you've been to the Great Beyond?

Honey Mustard: "Great", my butthole! Everything we've ever known is a big fat lie, y'all! The Great Beyond is just another word for your mother's basement! I swear, the gods are going to kill you once you're out those doors. I've seen it with my own eyes! You mustn't go there! It's extremely dangerous!

Brenda: Dude, shut up. The gods are gonna hear you talking about them...

Honey Mustard: They ain't gods. They're monsters! Horrible, ugly, disgusting monsters! They ain't gonna get Honey Mustard twice. (double flips off Camille who doesn't notice him anyway) CURSE YOU, GODS! I've got a date with oblivion.

(Honey Mustard prepares to jump off the shopping cart. Frank watches in horror.)

Frank: Whoa, just chill. Just get down from the...

(Frank screams as he desperately tears himself out of the package and grabs Honey Mustard's legs at the last moment. However, he's unable to hoist either of them.)

Carl: Oh, shit! He's out of the package!

Frank: Barry, help!

Barry: Oh, crud! Carl, what do we do?

Carl: I don't know! I can't reach him. I'm giving it everything I have.

Brenda: Frank!

(Brenda tears herself out of the package and runs towards Frank. One of the other hot dog buns takes notice.)

Hot Dog Bun: Brenda. Oh, my God! Brenda's out of the package!

Brenda: (grabs hold of Frank's legs) I got ya! Hold on! Hold on!

Frank: I can't hold on! My little glove! It's slipping off! Help!

Brenda: Hang on! I'll pull you up! (hoists Frank and Honey Mustard back to safety) There. You're safe now.

Frank: Thanks, Brenda. Here. Grab hold of Honey Mustard. I must speak to the goddess immediately.

(So, Frank walks over to the back of the shopping cart and climbs up to the handle. There, he begins to communicate with Camille.)

Frank: Hey! Excuse me! Over here!

(Camille looks down and sees Frank standing on the handle of her shopping cart.)

Camille: Huh? Is that a talking sausage?

Frank: Well, I am a sausage, and yes, I can talk.

(Camille gasps and screams at Frank. He screams at her. Then, they both scream at each other at the same time.)

Frank: Please don't kill me! I'm too handsome to die!

Camille: Who are you? What are you? And what the heck are you doing?

Frank: Well, uh... I don't know, honestly. Um, can you repeat that first question, please?

Camille: Huh? Oh, of course. Who are you? What is your name?

Frank: Ah. I'm glad you asked. My name is Frank Wienerton, and like I said earlier, I'm a sausage. What's yours?

Camille: (holds out her finger) Camille Toh. It's nice to meet you, Frank.

Frank: (shakes Camille's finger) Likewise, Ms. Toh. Wait. You can understand me, and I can understand you?

Camille: Of course. I have a wild imagination.

Frank: Oh, yeah. Well, that makes sense. Now, what was that third question again?

Camille: The third question? Oh, yes. That question. What are you doing?

Frank: I'm here to tell you about Honey Mustard.

Camille: What about it?

Frank: That honey mustard is a he. You see, he's trying to warn every grocery in your cart about the Great Beyond, but no one believes him. And now, he's about to jump off the cart.

(The scene cuts to Brenda restraining Honey Mustard with her arms.)

Brenda: Frank, what are you doing?

Honey Mustard: Get your hands off of me! (breaks free of Brenda's grasp) Look at you, following all their rules. You have no idea what's coming.

(The scene cuts back to Frank talking to Camille. He turns around and sees Honey Mustard.)

Frank: Huh? What is that in reference to? What's coming? Be more specific, please!

Honey Mustard: You want proof? Talk to Firewater. That bastard bottle of booze seems to know what's going on. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to jump off this stupid cart. Goodbye, cruel world.

(Honey Mustard turns around and jumps off the shopping cart.)

Frank: No!

(Honey Mustard laughs crazily as he falls to the floor and shatters into pieces. Honey Mustard is no more. Many groceries watch in horror.)

Plum: Oh, my God! Did you see that?

Apple: Yeah! That jar of honey mustard committed suicide! Suicide!

(But then, the shopping cart that Camille is pushing crashes into another, one that a male human shopper is pushing. The collision between two carts causes some of the groceries, including Frank, Brenda, and Douche, to fall backwards. While this happens, Brenda holds onto a bagel who then accidentally pulls a lavash out of his package.)

Lavash: What the hell?!

(The groceries hit the metal bars and fly off the shopping cart in slow motion. While falling to the floor, Douche flies out of his box. Barry watches Frank fall off the cart with the other groceries.)

Barry: Frank!

(A bag of white flour falls off the shopping cart. He screams to his doom as he hits the floor so hard that he bursts open and dies. As a result, white flour flies everywhere. The scene fades to the fallen groceries on the floor. Some have died, some have survived the fall but are injured, and some, including Frank and Brenda, have survived the fall with no injuries whatsoever. A marshmallow runs away with a severed arm. The camera pans over to Frank lying on the floor. He looks up and sees what's happening. The scene cuts to Douche on the floor. His nozzle is bent. A can of grape soda runs past him with grape soda spilling from the top of his head.)

Douche: Oh, no. Bro! Douche down! I'm out of my fucking box!

(Frank sees a can of chicken noodle soup on the floor. His gut is ripped open, and his noodles are falling out of him.)

Can of Chicken Noodle Soup: Cream of Mushroom? Are you there?

(The scene cuts to an injured banana on the floor. His face peels off, revealing his skull. He crouches down and falls to the ground dead. The scene cuts back to Frank on the floor. He sees a jar of peanut butter mourning his wife, a jar of grape jelly. She's already shattered into pieces.)

Peanut Butter: Wake up! I'm nothing without you!

(Peanut Butter cries hysterically. Then, Frank sees Brenda.)

Brenda: Get up! We've got to go!

(Frank looks away from Brenda and sees an Oreo sandwich cookie. Her back cookie layer is missing. She sees it on the floor, picks it up, and walks away with it. Her crème filling is exposed from the back. Then, Brenda pounces on Frank and pushes him away.)

Brenda: Frank! Get up and run!

(Suddenly, the shopping cart comes through the cloud of flour and is moving towards the fallen groceries. They turn around and run for their lives. A grape is running for her life as well.)

Grape: Run! Run!

(The grape can't catch up to the other groceries. So, she ends up getting squished to death by one of the shopping cart's wheels. Chips is running just ahead of Douche.)

Chips: I can't! I can't!

Douche: Come on, Chips! It's you and me, bro! Gotta use your cardio, bro! Come on! Pump those legs!

(Douche pushes past Chips, sending him right into the wheel of the shopping cart, popping it. Potato chips fly out of the dead bag like bullets, slicing into nearby products. Two marshmallows get shredded by two potato chips. A carton of chocolate milk is sliced open by a single potato chip, and he bleeds out. One grape gets sliced in half by a potato chip, and a second chip hits a second grape in the face. The remaining groceries continue to run for their lives.)

Frank: Oh, my God! Look out! Get to the wall!

(Frank and Brenda hide behind the wall and watch Camille push her shopping cart to the checkout counter. There, she sees Darren.)

Camille: Hey. I'm sorry. I accidentally dropped a few things back there. Except for that douche. I don't know whose that is.

Darren: (turns on the intercom) Cleanup on Aisle 2. This MILF dropped a douche.

Camille: Oh. "MILF". Thank you so much. (chuckles) I am a MILF because I'm a single mother of two children. I'm Camille Toh, by the way. What's your name?

Darren: The name's Darren. It's nice to meet you, Ms. Toh.

Camille: It's nice to meet you too, Darren. Listen, I have to go home.

Darren: What? Why?

Camille: Well, I have two children to feed. I have a son named Michael and a daughter named Carrie. I have to go home and feed them.

Darren: Oh, don't worry. I can take care of that for you.

Camille: You're a very kind man, Darren.

(Darren scans the groceries and puts them in a paper bag.)

Barry: Oh, crud. Frank! No, no, no. Oh, no. Frank.

Troy: Well, Barry, I guess now you're weird and a coward. Add that to your list of accomplishments.

(Troy and the other sausages except for Carl laugh at Barry. Darren puts the bag of groceries into Camille's shopping cart.)

Darren: There you go. That'll be $123.45.

Camille: I have three $100 bills. (gives her three $100 bills to Darren) Here you go. Keep the change.

Darren: Thanks. Have a good evening, Ms. Toh.

Camille: You too, Darren. Goodbye!

(As Camille leaves the store with her bag of groceries in her shopping cart, Barry calls out Frank's name.)

Barry: Frank!

(The scene cuts to Douche lying on the floor. He gets up and sees Camille leaving the store. So, he starts running towards her.)

Douche: No, no, no. Wait, babe, wait. Please hold up. No, don't go. Come on. I can still get up in there!

(Douche slips on a pretzel stick and falls on the floor. He reaches his hand to plead for help.)

Douche: I could still... get up in there.

(The last glimpse Douche sees of Camille is watching her plump butt cheeks jiggling as she strolls out of the store. Once she's out, the doors close automatically.)

Part 6: Douche Blames Frank and Brenda
(Douche angrily clenches his fist as he gets up and checks his bent nozzle.)

Douche: Oh, my God. My nozz! My poor fucking nozz! (sees Frank and Brenda)

Frank: Brenda, are you okay?

Brenda: I think so.

Douche: Yo! Did you two do this to me? Are you two responsible for my nozzle being irrepressibly fucked up?

Frank: Whoa, whoa, easy, man. Easy.

Brenda: Yeah, your nozzle's bent. Sorry. But you know what? You should be happy and grateful that you're alive.

Frank: Yeah. Banana's whole face peeled off. Peanut Butter's wife is dead. Look at him. He's right there.

(The scene cuts to Peanut Butter attempting to fix Jelly. He rubs some grape jelly onto himself while doing so.)

Peanut Butter: JELLLLYYY!!! I'm gonna fix you. I'm gonna fix this.

Douche: You think I give a shit about PB or J? Forget this. I'm gonna kick your ass. How do you like them apples?

Apple: Who? Us?

Douche: No, not you. Come at me, bros.

Brenda: Actually, I'm more of a sis than a bro.

Douche: Okay. Let me say it again. Come at me, bro... and sis.

Frank: Come at you? What does that mean?

Douche: Fine. You won't come at me? Well, then, guess who's coming at you? Me.

(Douche yells as he charges towards Frank and Brenda. They see that he's coming, and they start running towards the front display where the sausage packages and the hot dog bun packages are. Frank and Brenda climb up to the top platform to get away from Douche. But then, they see Darren approaching them with his janitorial cart.)

Brenda: Look out!

(Frank and Brenda split up. Frank hides in one of the sausage packages while Brenda hides in one of the hot dog bun packages. The scene cuts to Darren pushing his janitorial cart to the mess. He cleans up the mess and throws all the debris and Douche in the trash can.)

Douche: No!

(Darren walks away with his janitorial cart and enters the store's warehouse area. The lights turn off as the store begins to close. The scene cuts to Brenda in the hot dog bun package.)

Brenda: Uh, what just happened?

Cashier: (voice on the intercom) Attention, shoppers. The store is now closed. Take all the groceries you purchased and go home. Thank you for shopping at Shopwell's. Good night.

(All of the human shoppers leave Shopwell's. Frank and Brenda sigh in relief. Soon, they both step out of their respective packages.)

Frank: You saved me!

Brenda: Well, yeah. I had to do something.

Frank: I can't believe you got out of your package. You would have gone to the Great Beyond. You'd be there right now.

Brenda: There is no Great Beyond without you, Frank.

Frank: Well, according to Honey Mustard, there might not be a Great Beyond at all.

Brenda: Frank, don't say that!

Frank: Did you hear what he said?

Brenda: Yeah, yeah, I heard him talking about the gods being horrible monsters and all, and then I saw him die. Oh, no. What if the gods are doing this to us because we touched tips?

Frank: What? No! There's no way.

Brenda: "Just the tips." What were we thinking? It wasn't even that... I mean, it was fine. It's not like anyone writes home and says, "Oh, God, I had the best tip." It just wasn't that big of a deal. (sighs) Look, I have to think this through. You should do the same.

(Frank nods as he thinks about what Brenda said.)

Part 7: Meet Lavash and Sammy Bagel/Douche Finds a New Purpose
(The scene cuts to the lavash arguing with the bagel.)

Lavash: Get away from me. Don't touch me. It was you! You fat ugly bagel moron!

(The bagel backs away but accidentally bumps into a cereal box.)

Cereal Box: Hey! Watch it!

Lavash: You pushed me out of the cart. No surprise there, huh? A bagel trying to kill a lavash, once again.

Bagel: I pushed you? What are you, nuts? Why would I do that? I'm a pacifist. The only thing I've ever pushed is my peaceful agenda. Even that I didn't push, you know. I pretty much passive-aggressively nudge. I reached out in a panic.

(The lavash and the bagel see Frank and Brenda at the front display.)

Bagel: It was toots over here, the bun. She grabbed me.

(Frank and Brenda climb down the front display and walk over to the lavash and the bagel.)

Brenda: Hey! I was just trying to save Frank.

Lavash: Who is Frank? You?

Frank: Yeah, I'm Frank.

Lavash: The fault is yours, then, huh?

Frank: I'm sorry, okay? I didn't mean for any of this to happen.

Lavash: Well, it did. And now you and your stupid, useless bun have screwed us all.

Brenda: Hey, who are you calling useless, you flappy flap?

Lavash: Sausage, control your insolent bun. And cover her up already. Show some modesty, woman.

Brenda: Ooh!

Bagel: Hey, hey. Look, can we all just, you know, calm down a notch, please? Let's try to be, I don't know, amicable. I'm Sammy Bagel, Jr. You know, I'm happy to meet all of you. Except for this savage animal over here.

Brenda: Hi, I'm Brenda. Brenda Bunsen.

Lavash: Oh, wow. Really? Well, forget all of you! I am Kareem Abdul Lavash! And what I currently care about is that I have been... completely and utterly screwed out of being in the Great Beyond. I am to have 77 bottles of extra-virgin olive oil... waiting for me. I am destined to soak up their sweet juices... as they dribble down my flaps.

Brenda: Okay. Look, guys, here's what I'm thinking. We hurry back to our aisles. We sneak into another package and still be fresh enough to get chosen.

Frank: Okay, let's climb to the top of the shelf here. And... then we'll get a lay of the land... and we'll figure out where we're going. Come on.

Lavash: As long as the bagel stays away from me, I accept.

Sammy: Oh, believe me, asshole. I'll keep my distance.

(So, Frank, Brenda, Sammy, and Lavash start climbing to the top of the shelf to get a better view of the entire store and to figure out where they're going. The scene fades to a dumpster in the store's warehouse area. Douche appears as he gets out of the dumpster and falls to the ground.)

Douche: Oh! (crawls over to a forklift wheel) No disrespect, but you look fucking gross, bro. Look at you. Fucking bent-ass, busted-ass nozz.

(But then, Douche notices his fluids beginning to leak out after a chip sliced him during his escape.)

Douche: Oh, great. You're leaking all your juice out. Can I ask you a question, me? Why would a god let you up in her smooth, perfect sliz... when you can't even squirt? You got nothing to squirt!

(Douche slams his head on the forklift wheel, drops himself to the floor, and sobs sadly.)

Douche: I got no purpose. I'm nothing! Oh, God.

(Then, a voice is heard from somewhere far. So, Douche crawls over to where the voice is coming from. A small box of grape juice is lying on the stairs. His fluid is leaking out.)

Box of Grape Juice: Is someone there? Help me, someone. Help me. Help me. Help.

Douche: What's up, little juicy box? You're leaking too, eh, bro?

(Douche sees that the box of grape juice has a hole in his lower part.)

Douche: And right out of your damn hole. (coughs) Fucking sucks, right?

Box of Grape Juice: Dying. So cold.

(Douche thinks about what to do with the dying box of grape juice. Then, he has an idea.)

Douche: Oh. Uh oh. Lightbulb.

(A lightbulb appears from out of nowhere.)

Lightbulb: Yes?

Douche: No, not fucking you, dummy.

(The lightbulb walks away. Douche looks at the juice box and grabs him.)

Douche: I think I might be forming some beginnings of what could be the flower that blossoms into an idea. (grabs the juice box's legs) Should you fucking tell anyone about this, I'm gonna deny it, bro.

(The box of grape juice gets scared as Douche starts to drain all of his juice out of the hole. The juice box tries to save himself but to no avail.)

Douche: Fuck. This is some next-level shit, dude. You fucking like that?

(Then, Douche pushes the juice box's gut to drink more as his body juice increases. Then, his pupils got crazy.)

Douche: I'm juicing up!

(Douche presses the box of grape juice as he drinks the last few drops of grape juice from him. Soon, the juice box becomes juiceless and dies. Douche finishes drinking the juice and cackles. His nozzle becomes straight once again.)

Douche: I'm like a full-on juicehead now, bro.

(Douche notices the juice beginning to leak, but he laughs and tears the "Juiced Up" sticker off the juice box and slaps it onto his gash. Douche then proceeds to tear the drained juice box in half.)

Douche: I've got a new purpose now. Revenge! (lifts himself up) Where's that fucking sausage? Because this douche is DTFSU. (starts running) Down To Fuck a Sausage Up!

(Douche opens the door and runs out of the warehouse area.)

Douche: I'm coming for you!

(The camera zooms into Douche's mouth, and the scene fades to black.)

Part 8: Frank and His Friends at the Top of the Shelf/The Liquor Aisle
(The scene fades to Frank, Brenda, Lavash, and Sammy at the top of the shelf. They make their way through the jungle as Sammy and Lavash argue.)

Lavash: First you come into our aisle and occupy more and more shelf space. You even have settlements now on the west shelf that you claim as your own.

Sammy: Oh, look, it's not our fault we needed a homeland. The sauerkraut kicked us out of every decent aisle. They tried to send us to the barbeque section, for God's sake. We were displaced.

Lavash: Don't you talk to me about displacement! My good friend Tabouli was ousted from his shelf just to make room for that braided idiot, Challah.

Sammy: Wow, I can't... I can't even. Frank, Brenda, come on. Are you guys gonna weigh in here? I mean, whose side are you on? You know, this isn't just about me. I mean, first, they come for the bagels...

Frank: I don't know. Isn't there room for both of you? It seems like a pretty big aisle.

(Sammy and Lavash look at each other and laugh.)

Sammy: Yeah. Both, sure.

Lavash: What a stupid sausage! Like we can coexist!

Sammy: That's good material.

Lavash: Room for both of us!

(Frank, Brenda, Sammy, and Lavash emerge from the foliage and walk to the edge of the shelf.)

Frank: Holy cow.

(Frank, Brenda, Sammy, and Lavash take in the panoramic view of the store's vast landscape. It's a complicated, unorthodox layout for a supermarket, more of a labyrinth design with numerous different aisles filled with thousands of different products. On the far side of the store is the front display where the sausage packages and the hot dog bun packages are.)

Brenda: Holy fudge sticks. We are way way far from home.

(Frank notices the sliding doors that lead to the outside world the groceries call the "Great Beyond".)

Frank: (whispering to himself) The sliding doors. That must be where the Great Beyond is. Right out those doors. I must see Camille Toh again.

(Frank thinks of a way to distance himself from his friends so he can leave the store and find Camille Toh. Then, he has an idea.)

Frank: You know, guys, from here, it seems like the best route is probably to go through the liquor aisle. So, uh, shall we?

Brenda: What? It kind of seems out of the way. Are you sure?

Frank: Yeah. Totally sure.

Brenda: Okay, because the way you're saying it doesn't sound like you're too confident.

Frank: Oh. Uh, yeah, trust me.

Brenda: Oh, okay, there we go.

(So, Frank, Brenda, Sammy, and Lavash climb down the shelf and walk to the liquor aisle. They enter the bustling aisle full of drunken alcoholic beverages. They're all partying like crazy.)

Frank: Holy vodka. Look at this place. It's freaking crazy!

Brenda: Are you seeing this? They're all out of their packages. What are they doing?

Lavash: This is a place of unparalleled sin!

(Six cans of Canadian beer walk past Frank, Brenda, Sammy, and Lavash.)

Canadian Beer Can #1: Sorry.

Canadian Beer Can #2: Sorry.

Canadian Beer Can #3: Sorry.

Canadian Beer Can #4: Sorry.

Canadian Beer Can #5: Sorry.

Canadian Beer Can #6: Oops. Didn't see you there. Sorry.

Brenda: Don't mind me. Just minding my own business. Just passing through.

Jamaican Rum Bottle: Hey, bun! Welcome to the aisle. Wanna dance?

Brenda: No, thank you, mon. I'm quite irie... just being left alone over here, don't you know? (facepalms) Oh, boy. That was Irish, not Jamaican. I'm such an idiot.

(Frank sees the sliding doors again. He's getting close.)

Frank: Holy shit! Look at that!

Brenda: What? What is it? (sees the sliding doors) Oh, that. That's just the sliding doors.

Frank: Correct. And you know what lies beyond those doors, right?

Brenda: Yes, I know. The Great Beyond.

Frank: Precisely. I'm going there to find the goddess I was talking to earlier. Her name is Camille Toh. She's a real hottie.

(The scene cuts to Frank, Brenda, Sammy, and Lavash walking through the long, narrow liquor aisle.)

Frank: Okay. Brenda, Sammy, Lavash, you three must stay here. I have to go to the Great Beyond and find Camille Toh. I'll be back. I promise.

Brenda: Oh, okay. Go on, Frank. Go to the Great Beyond. I will await your return. Good luck.

Frank: Thanks, Brenda. You're the best. Well, goodbye.

(Frank starts running to the sliding doors. Brenda watches him go.)

Brenda: Goodbye, Frank. Please hurry, and be careful.

(The scene cuts to Frank running to the sliding doors. He unlocks them and walks through them. Soon, he finds himself outside the store. So, he starts running to Camille Toh's house.)

Part 9: The Kitchen Massacre/Frank Sees Camille Again
(The scene cuts to Camille walking to the front door with her bag of groceries. She takes out her house key and uses it to unlock the door. She puts the key away in her pocket, opens the door, and enters the house. Once she's inside, she closes the door and locks it. She then goes to the kitchen and places her bag of groceries on the counter.)

Camille: Carrie, Michael, I'm home!

(Carrie and Michael enter the kitchen and see Camille.)

Carrie and Michael: Hi, Mom.

Michael: Welcome home. Did you get the groceries?

Camille: I sure did, honey. Let me set them down, and I'll start cooking. Dinner should be ready soon.

Carrie: Okay. Thanks, Mom.

Michael: Yeah! Thanks, Mom.

(Carrie and Michael leave the kitchen and go upstairs to their rooms. While Camille takes the groceries out of the bag, she takes some time to lament losing the douche as she fondles her camel-toe.)

Camille Toh: Shit. I really needed that douche.

(The scene cuts to the sausages in their package. They're all cheering and celebrating except Barry.)

Carl: Holy shit, we're actually here! Come on, Barry, you're missing it, man! Dude, get on the fiesta!

Barry: God, what have I done? Frank needed my help, but I wasn't there for him. After all the times he stood up for me, you know. God, I'm such a fearful coward. He'll never forgive me. I'll never forgive myself.

Carl: Look, Barry, the only way to respectfully honor Frank... is to completely forget about him.

Barry: Oh.

Carl: And hey. For all we know, he's okay. He's probably headed back to our aisle, and he'll be here tomorrow. Just act happy. Ignore your feelings. Come on, let's see that smile.

(Barry begins to smile. His lip starts curling up.)

Carl: Ah. I see that lip curling up.

(Barry fully smiles as his lips curl up and open, revealing his teeth.)

Carl: Oh, there you go! Whoo!

Barry: Yeah. Yeah, you're right. We're in the Great Be-frigging-yond. (whooping)

Troy: Get ready, boys! We's abouts to fills what we needs to fills.

(Camille opens the sausage package as Carl sighs loudly.)

Troy: Feel that breeze.

Barry: Carl, do you feel that?

Carl: This feels amazing.

Troy: (howls) Come on, boys! Let's show these beautiful buns we ain't shit.

(Camille opens a bag of tortilla chips and dumps the chips themselves into a bowl. They all cheer.)

Tortilla Chip: Whoo-hoo!

(Camille grabs a package of cheese and rips open the packaging.)

Cheese: Oh, yeah.

(The scene cuts to Barry and Carl looking around in wonder at their surroundings. Carl is almost moved to tears.)

Barry: We're out of the package.

Carl: It's beautiful, man. It's just beautiful! I'm crying! I'm crying because it's so pretty here!

Barry: Stretch your legs with me, Carl. Just do it, man.

(Camille picks up a potato.)

Potato: Oh, yes! Yes! I'm the first to enter eternity!

Carl: Potato! Way to go, buddy! That's my guy!

(All the groceries on the counter watch in awe as Camille turns on the faucet and washes the potato in the sink.)

Potato: (speaking) Being bathed by the hands of a god! (singing) ♪ Oh, Danny Boy / The pipes, the pipes are calling... ♪

(All of a sudden, the moon is covered by dark clouds as the scene's background turns a dark maroon shade of red. Camille takes out her knife and starts slicing off the potato's skin.)

Potato: AGH! Jumping jeepers!

(All of the groceries gasp in horror as Camille continues to slice off the potato's skin.)

Potato: (in agony) Oh! God, me skin! She's peeling me skin!

Carl: What... the... HELL!?!

(The groceries watch as Camille brings the potato towards a pot of boiling water on the stove.)

Potato: Jesus, you fucking whore!

(Camille lifts open the lid from the pot, and a cloud of steam escapes, temporarily blinding the potato. He covers his eyes as a result.)

Potato: Me eyes! THEY BURN!

(Camille drops the potato into the pot. He gurgles and drowns in the boiling water. Camille closes the pot and turns to a tomato. She takes out her knife, grabs the tomato, and places him on the cutting board. She raises her knife upwards like an executioner raises his axe.)

Tomato: No! Please, no! I have got a famiglia!

(Camille slams her knife like an executioner's axe, slicing the tomato in half. She then tosses four strips of bacon into a pan full of boiling cooking oil. As they all get fried by the oil, one of them has one of his eyes violently popped like a bubble. Camille grabs a cabbage, gouges her eyes, and tears her apart. She then slices a loaf of bread into 24 different slices. Then, she grabs the cheese and starts grating his head.)

Cheese: (in agony) No! No!

(All the cheese that Camille grated falls on the horrified tortilla chips in the bowl.)

Carl: Cheese! You don't deserve that!

(Camille puts the bowl of screaming cheese-covered tortilla chips in the microwave. She turns it on, and all the cheese begins to melt on the chips. Soon, they're microwaved alive. Camille places a large wine bottle between her thighs to unscrew the cork. The wine bottle does not enjoy it one bit. So, he begs for mercy, but Camille pulls the cork out of the bottle, spilling some wine on Troy and two other sausages. Three hot dog buns scream in fear.)

Troy: Oh, no! No!

(Barry and Carl get scared and scream like girls. Camille opens the bag of baby carrots and dumps them into a bowl. However, two of them miss the bowl and fall onto the counter.)

Baby Carrot: We don't want to die! RUN!!!

(The two baby carrots run for their lives. The scene switches to Camille's perspective. She sees them naturally rolling towards the edge of the counter.)

Camille: Whoops.

(The scene switches back to the foods' perspective. The two baby carrots jump off the counter but end up landing on Camille's hand.)

Baby Carrot: I want my mommy!

(Camille eats the two baby carrots alive. Barry and Carl watch in horror.)

Carl: They're eating children! INNOCENT CHILDREN!!!

(But then, Carl notices an open window. He sees it as a sign of freedom.)

Carl: We gotta run!

(Barry screams in fear, curls up in a ball, and hugs his knees.)

Barry: We're all gonna die!

Carl: Barry! (grabs Barry and slaps him) Snap out of it and run for your life!

(So, Barry and Carl make a mad dash towards the window. They reach the ledge. Camille turns around and sees them.)

Carl: Okay, little buddy. Jump on the count of three. One! Two! Three!

(But before Barry and Carl jump off, Camille grabs her knife and stabs Carl with it. Carl groans in pain.)

Barry: Carl?

Carl: (groaning in pain) Run, Barry!

Barry: "Gar babar" what? What are you saying, Carl?

(The tip of Camille's knife pokes through the front of Carl.)

Barry: Oh! Oh, God. No! No! Oh, God! Carl!

(Camille moves the knife upwards as it slices all the way up Carl. Barry is traumatized.)

Barry: Carl!

(The scene cuts to Carl who is now split in two, each half flopping to either side.)

Carl: (raspy and faint) Barry!

(Carl's lifeless body falls back into the sink. Barry looks down at him.)

Barry: Carl! Dear sweet Carl. What have they done to you, Carl? No!

(Barry looks up and sees Camille moving towards him with her knife. He backs away from the knife.)

Barry: Whoa! No! No! No! Nooooooo! Ahhhhh!

(Barry loses his footing and falls backwards off the window ledge down to the bushes below. The scene cuts to Camille looking down at the bushes.)

Camille: Oops. That's not good.

(But then, Camille sees Frank running towards her.)

Camille: Huh? Is that Frank?

(Frank runs into a bush. There, he sees Barry cowering in fear.)

Frank: Barry?

(Barry looks up and sees Frank.)

Barry: Frank! You've come to save me!

(Barry and Frank embrace for a moment. Then, they stop.)

Barry: But how did you get out of the store?

Frank: The doors were closed... and locked. So, I unlocked them, and they opened automatically as I walked through them. And now, here I am. Out of the store and in the Great Beyond. I ran all the way here so I could find the goddess I was talking to earlier.

Barry: (points to the window) You mean that horrible monster killing all the food?!

(The scene cuts to Camille killing the groceries and turning them into dinner meals. The scene cuts back to Frank and Barry in the bush.)

Frank: Yes! That's her! Come on! I'll show you.

(Frank and Barry climb up the wall to the window. There, they climb onto the edge and sneak into Camille's kitchen through the window.)

Frank: (points to Camille) That's the person I was talking about. Her name is Camille Toh. I have to speak to her about the Great Beyond.

Barry: Camille Toh? I remember her! She took me, Carl, and all the other groceries here. And this kitchen is part of the Great Beyond, the world outside the store that we live in. I thought the Great Beyond was supposed to be like Heaven.

Frank: Yeah, but I'm afraid it's all a lie! Because as soon as we leave the store and go to the Great Beyond... it's going to be like a total disaster zone. The gods will consume us all! I'm telling you, Barry, this is our destiny: to be consumed! We're all doomed! I'm going to speak to her about the Great Beyond right now.

(Frank enters the house through the window.)

Barry: Huh? Where are you going, Frank? Home is that way! (points to Shopwell's)

Frank: I know. But we'll go there after I speak to Camille.

Barry: Oh. Okay.

(Frank gets on the counter and walks towards Camille.)

Frank: Excuse me! What do you think you're doing?

Camille: (sees Frank on the counter) Huh? Oh! Hello, Frank. It's nice to see you again.

Frank: What are you doing to those poor groceries?

Camille: I'm using them to make dinner. Why?

Frank: You're killing the poor groceries! Why, Camille? Why?

Camille: I'm a human. Of course, to us, eating food is completely normal. It's what we do to survive.

(The scene cuts to a slice of pepperoni pizza on an empty cardboard pizza box. His legs are eaten off.)

Pizza: You think you humans can survive by eating us food products, huh?

Camille: (looks at Pizza) Whoa! What happened to your legs?

Pizza: Legs? I don't have any legs, you whore! You ate my goddamn legs!

Camille: (gasps in shock) Oh, my God! I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to eat your legs! (turns to Frank) Wait. You're a food product, aren't you?

Frank: Uh, yes. Yes, I am. I'm a sausage.

Camille: No way. Food can talk and act like us humans? And they have faces... and arms... and legs?! No way. This isn't real. This can't be real.

Frank: It's real, Camille. Calm down. Take a deep breath.

(Camille breathes in. Then, she breathes out. Soon, she's calm.)

Frank: Good. You're calm now. Anyway, enough about that. I'm here to ask you about the Great Beyond.

Camille: You mean the world we humans live in?

Frank: Yes, the world outside the store we groceries live in.

Camille: Okay. Ask away.

Frank: Thank you. Now, let's do a recap of what happened in the store. Honey Mustard went to the Great Beyond. But then, he returned to the store.

Camille: Uh huh. Then what happened?

Frank: Well, he was trying to warn every grocery in Shopwell's about the Great Beyond. He said the Great Beyond is bogus, and the gods, humans like you, are monsters. And I always kind of thought that it didn't quite add up. Anyway, back to the story. Honey Mustard tried to warn them, but no one believed him. So, he jumped off the cart to his death. He committed suicide. I saw him do that with my own eyes. But before that, he told me this. If I want proof, I need to find Firewater. He has the answers I'm looking for. So, I'm going back to Shopwell's and find him. Will you come with me on this perilous journey? Please?

Camille: Oh, Frank! I would love to!

Frank: Great! Let's go! Oh! I almost forgot. Camille, this is Barry. He's my best friend. Barry, meet Camille.

(Barry sees Camille and waves hello.)

Barry: Hi!

Camille: Hello, Barry. It's nice to meet you. (holds out her finger)

Barry: (shakes Camille's finger) Likewise. (turns to Frank) Wait. She can understand us?

Frank: Yes, and we can understand her. She sure has a wild imagination.

Barry: Oh, yeah. That's right. Well, that makes sense.

Frank: (to Camille) That other sausage you just killed was my other best friend, Carl. (points to Carl in the sink) Thanks to you, he's dead.

(Camille gasps and covers her mouth with her hands. Then, she bows her head in shame.)

Camille: I'm so sorry. I didn't know that. I didn't know that Carl was your best friend. I just killed him because I needed to eat him.

Frank: That's okay. He's gone on to a better place anyway.

(Carrie and Michael leave their rooms and go downstairs to the kitchen. There, they meet up with Camille who is talking to Frank and Barry.)

Michael: Hey, Mom. Is dinner ready yet?

(But then, Carrie and Michael see Frank and Barry.)

Carrie: Uh, Mom, are you talking to food?

Camille: (to Carrie and Michael) Two sausages, actually. They have names. Carrie, Michael, meet Frank and Barry. (to Frank and Barry) Boys, these are my two children: Carrie and Michael.

Carrie: Hello.

Michael: Hi.

Camille: Carrie is my 18-year-old daughter, and Michael is my 14-year-old son.

Frank: Wow! You have children? Amazing! Greetings. I'm Frank. It's a pleasure to meet you, Carrie and Michael.

Michael: It's nice to meet you too, Frank.

Frank: Okay. Now that the introductions are over, let's head to Shopwell's.

Camille: Okay. Here. (holds out her hand) You can sit on my shoulder.

(Frank and Barry jump onto Camille's hand, and she places them on her shoulder.)

Carrie: But Mom, what about dinner?

Camille: It'll have to wait, Carrie. Come on. You too, Michael. We're going to the store.

(So, Frank, Barry, Camille, Carrie, and Michael leave her house and get inside her minivan. Camille starts the engine and starts driving to Shopwell's.)

Part 10: Frank Finds Firewater and the Non-Perishables
(The scene fades to Brenda, Sammy, and Lavash at the liquor aisle. They're waiting for Frank to return.)

Sammy: It's been an hour since Frank left the store.

Brenda: I know. Where is he?

Lavash: (laughs at Brenda) Looks like you got ditched, bun. (chuckles)

Brenda: He wouldn't ditch me, dumbass. He's my boyfriend. I mean... we touched T-I-P-S, tips.

(Brenda chuckles. Then, she begins singing about tips.)

Brenda: (singing) ♪ We touched tips / Just the tips / Oh, we touched our tips ♪ (speaking) Sorry, I don't know why I'm singing. (singing) ♪ Sometimes, I get nervous / And I'll sing! ♪

Lavash: Maybe that's why he ditched you. Your loose morals are revolting, tip-toucher!

Brenda: You don't think that, because I'm out of the package, he thinks I'm not pure? God. I didn't want to say it, but I do have that not-so-fresh feeling.

(But then, a bottle of tequila appears. He walks over to Brenda.)

Tequila: Excuse me. Are you a bun?

Brenda: Uh, yeah, I am. Why?

Tequila: And you've been traveling with a sausage?

Brenda: Yes! Yes, I have! Have you seen him?

Tequila: I have! He's looking for you in my aisle. He's right this way. I can take you to him, chica. I'll take you to him real good. (chuckles) All right. Vamanos! Let's go. I am to be trusted.

(So, Brenda, Sammy, and Lavash follow Tequila to an aisle full of Mexican products. The scene cuts to the parking lot outside the store. Camille's minivan appears and parks at the nearest parking spot. Camille, Carrie, Michael, Frank, and Barry leave the vehicle and enter the store. There, they go to the liquor aisle.)

Frank: Firewater should be here in this aisle. (sees smoke coming from Firewater's house) Holy shit! What a crazy coincidence! This is Firewater's cave! This is what Honey Mustard was talking about. That must be it. Okay. You can put me down now.

(Camille grabs Frank and places him on the floor.)

Frank: Okay, guys. Stay here. I'll be right back.

Camille: Okay. Hurry back, and be careful.

(So, Frank enters Firewater's cave and sees the bottle of booze himself. He's chanting while sitting around a campfire next to a salt shaker who is drumming. Firewater sees Frank.)

Firewater: Hiya, how are ya?

Frank: Hiya. How are ya? I'm Frank. Are you Firewater?

Firewater: Mm-hm.

Frank: What are you doing in this cave?

Firewater: (makes hand gestures that relate to what he tells Frank) I am the original inhabitant of this land. My kind once had a pristine aisle. Majestic and untouched. Then, we were driven out of it... by a bunch of goddamn fucking crackers!

Frank: Oh, yeah. The crackers. They do have a nice aisle. Okay, anyway, look. I was told that you might have some answers?

Firewater: Answers, I have. But first...

(Firewater grabs salt off of the salt shaker's head and tosses it into his bonfire, causing a gust of smoke to explode into a giant question mark.)

Firewater: I must know the question.

Frank: Okay. Well, before I saw him jump to his death, Honey Mustard said the Great Beyond is bogus, and the gods are monsters. And I always kind of thought that it didn't quite add up.

(While Firewater is listening to Frank's story, he takes out a kazoo-shaped smoking pipe and stuffs some marijuana into it. Then, he smokes it.)

Frank: I told the same story to one of the gods. Her name is Camille Toh, and she's a single mother of two children. So, I guess my question is, what really happens in the Great Beyond?

Firewater: (makes hand gestures that relate to what he tells Frank) To find that which you seek... all you must do is look deep... (takes out a bag) into my bag of wonderment.

Frank: Whoa. (looks into the bag) I don't see anything.

Firewater: Deeper.

(Frank looks deeper into the bag.)

Firewater: Deeper. Put your whole head in the bag there.

(Frank sticks his whole head in the bag.)

Firewater: There you go.

Frank: Just say when. I'm just gonna keep going in.

(But then, Firewater closes the bag with Frank's head in it. The whole scene goes dark save for Frank's eyes.)

Firewater: Guys! Get out here! Help me kill this prick!

Voice #1: This motherfucker knows too much. We gotta off his ass!

Firewater: Someone hand me a blade. I'll gut this cocksucker!

Voice #2: Yeah! Cut him wide open!

Voice #3: We're gonna teach that sausage a lesson!

Voice #4: No! If we kill him, we are no better than the gods.

Firewater: Ah... She is right. Take off the bag of wonderment.

(The scene returns to normal as Firewater opens the bag, and Frank gets his head out of it. Frank turns around and sees Firewater and four other products. The first of the four products is an African-American box of grits called Mr. Grits. The second is a homosexual Twinkie named Twink. The third is a female Japanese-American bottle of teriyaki sauce named Mary Aki Teriyaki. The fourth is a female Native American bottle of liquor named Blackwater. She is Firewater's wife.)

Frank: Who are you?

Blackwater: Who are we? We shall tell you who we are.

Mr. Grits: We're the Non-Perishables, motherfucker!

Frank: The Non-Perishables?

Mary: Hai. We're called the Non-Perishables for a reason.

Twink: We never expire.

Firewater: We are... immortal. This here's Twink...

Twink: Hi there.

Firewater: Mary Aki Teriyaki...

Mary: Kon'nichiwa! Hajimemashite!

Firewater: My wife Blackwater...

Blackwater: Hello.

Firewater: ...and Grits.

Mr. Grits: They call me Mr. Grits.

Firewater: Yeah, Mr. Grits. Yeah, whatever.

Mr. Grits: You told him about the crackers?

Firewater: Yeah, I told him about the crackers. You don't even wanna hear what they did to Mr. Grits over here.

Mr. Grits: Fuck the crackers. I'm gonna fuck them crackers right in the crack of their cracker asses. Cracker-ass crackers.

Frank: Well, why were you going to kill me? All I did was ask what happens... in the Great Beyond. Jeez! What's the big whoop?

(Firewater claps two times, and he, Twink, Mr. Grits, Mary, and Blackwater huddle together.)

Mr. Grits: We can't tell this sausage motherfucker the truth. We just met his ass.

Mary: He basically knows it already. Maybe it's time to end this.

Firewater: (sighs) I am tired of all of the lies. (turns to Frank) Prepare yourself, for you're about to learn... the terrible truth. (grabs the smoking pipe and stuffs some marijuana into it) Does anybody want a hit before we get into this? Twink?

Twink: Nah, I'm cool.

Mr. Grits: Shit, if we're smoking, I'll hit it.

Firewater: That's what I thought.

(Firewater passes the smoking pipe to Twink, who then passes it to Mr. Grits.)

Mr. Grits: Pass the weed, Twink. (smokes marijuana) Goddamn! (coughs out some smoke) Whoo! Whoo! This indica?

Firewater: Nah, man. Sativa. It's good stuff. Clean high. (takes the smoking pipe and gives it to Blackwater)

Blackwater: Thanks, honey. (smokes marijuana) Want some marijuana, Mary?

Mary: No thanks. I'm good.

Blackwater: Suit yourself. (offers Frank the smoking pipe) Want to try some marijuana?

Frank: Oh, no, thanks.

Firewater: Trust me. What you're about to hear, you'll want some.

Frank: (sighs) Alright. Pass me the pipe.

(Blackwater passes the smoking pipe to Frank. He looks at it and gulps. He starts smoking marijuana but ends up coughing out a lot of smoke.)

Part 11: The Mexican Aisle
(The scene fades to Brenda, Sammy, and Lavash at the Mexican aisle. They're following Tequila to a cantina.)

Sammy: Yeah. This has a nice south-of-the-border vibe. Heh.

(Brenda, Sammy, Lavash, and Tequila enter the cantina. The Mexican products stop what they're doing and see them. The bartender, a chorizo sausage, glares at them. Then, he spits on the bar and uses a towel to wipe off the saliva. The Mexican products look away and continue what they're doing.)

Tequila: Okay. You go over there, and you sit at the bar right there, okay? You can't move a muscle, okay? I'll be right back, all right? (laughs) Okay.

(Tequila leaves the canteen while Brenda, Sammy, and Lavash sit at the bar. The camera pans over to a taco shell named Teresa del Taco. She's praying to her idol, Santa Chimichanga.)

Teresa: And bless me, Santa Chimichanga, and protect me from the Dark Lord. Amen.

(Suddenly, Teresa senses Brenda in the cantina. So, she walks over to the balcony and sees her sitting at the bar.)

Brenda: Oh, sorry. Excuse me.

Teresa: (gasps) The bun. The one he's been searching for. She's here. (looks at Brenda's behind) And she's beautiful.

(The scene cuts to Brenda, Sammy, and Lavash sitting at the bar. All the Mexican products are glaring at them. One of them, a container of guacamole named El Guaco, snickers.)

Brenda: Is it me or is everyone looking at us?

(Teresa appears and sits at the bar next to Brenda.)

Teresa: Hola.

(Brenda sees Teresa sitting at the bar next to her and waves hello.)

Brenda: Oh, hi. It's nice to meet...

Teresa: Shh. Don't look at me. Eyes forward. Act natural.

Brenda: Oh, okay. (looks at the mirror)

Teresa: Listen, my name is Teresa del Taco. And you are in grande danger. This is a trap! You must come with me. Pronto!

(Teresa, Brenda, Sammy, and Lavash run to the kitchen and hide in the pantry. Tequila enters the cantina.)

Tequila: All right. I got them right here, amigo. I got them right where you want them. (finds the bar empty) HOLY SHIT!

(The scene cuts to Teresa, Brenda, Sammy, and Lavash hiding in the pantry.)

Lavash: Get your nose out of my crotch!

Sammy: Get my nose out of your crotch? Get your crotch off my nose!

Brenda: Hey. Why are we hiding?

Teresa: Shh. He's coming.

Brenda: Who?

Teresa: The one they call... El Douche.

Tequila: El Douche! El Douche!

(Douche pushes the door open and enters the cantina. He sees that Brenda, Sammy, and Lavash are not here and gets angry.)

Douche: What gives, bro? You told me you had them. So you drag me over to this fucking aisle with all these illegal products... and now I don't see them. So where the fuck are they? Spill the beans!

Beans: Que?

Douche: Beans, I swear to fucking God, if you don't shut the fuck up right now!

(The scene cuts to Teresa, Brenda, Sammy, and Lavash hiding in the pantry.)

Brenda: Oh, no. He's back! Where's Frank?

(The scene cuts back to Tequila and Douche in the cantina.)

Tequila: They were just here.

Douche: What part of "I want the sausage and the bun dead. And if you see them, come and get me... and if I find out that you didn't come and get me... or just couldn't find them good enough, I'll fucking kill your asses!" did you not understand, Tequila?

Tequila: Well, it's a pretty confusing sentence to be honest with you, you know? I mean, this is... This happens, you know?

(Douche grits his teeth, but then he calms down.)

Douche: Bro, come here. No, it's fine. It's cool. No biggie. I'm not gonna do something fucked up to you now as soon as I get you in close. Come here.

(But once Douche gets close to Tequila, he yells and smashes him against the bar counter, shattering him into pieces.)

Salsa: No way, José!

Douche: Yes way. José's fucking dead, yo.

(Douche lifts Tequila's head above him and drinks the tequila, causing his muscles to increase once more.)

Teresa: Puta madre, puta madre.

(Douche then tosses Tequila's head at El Guaco's groin, causing him to grasp it in deep pain.)

El Guaco: Ay! Right in my guac and balls.

Douche: And the same thing's gonna happen to all of you... unless you find the sausage and the bun.

(The scene cuts to Teresa, Brenda, Sammy, and Lavash hiding in the pantry. Teresa opens the back door that leads to a tunnel.)

Teresa: Por aca, por aca, this way.

(Teresa, Brenda, Sammy, and Lavash go through the door. Teresa closes the door, and she, Brenda, Sammy, and Lavash start walking through the tunnel.)

Teresa: The coyotes used this tunnel to smuggle some of us out of the aisle... in hope of a better life. We will do the same.

Part 12: Firewater Tells Frank the Truth About the Great Beyond
(The scene fades to Frank, Firewater, Blackwater, Twink, Mr. Grits, and Mary in Firewater's cave. They're sitting around the campfire. Frank is still coughing out a lot of smoke.)

Firewater: It's good stuff, isn't it?

Frank: Okay, okay, I'm super baked. My friends Camille, Carrie, Michael, and Barry are waiting for me outside your cave, and my other friends Brenda, Lavash, and Sammy are probably wondering where the hell I am. Will somebody please just tell me something already? Please?

Firewater: Okay. (smokes marijuana) The thing about the Great Beyond is... (puffs out a small cloud of smoke) we invented it!

Frank: What?!

Firewater: I know, right? As soon as you're out those doors, the gods kill our asses.

Frank: What? Are you crazy? That doesn't make any sense. Why would the gods kill us?

Firewater: Because it makes them stronger. Every kill gives them more power, and it's never enough.

(Firewater shows Frank a picture depicting human evolution from their primitive ancestors to an overweight modern man.)

Firewater: Over the years, they've grown bigger, stronger, and... quite recently... fatter. Their hunger's insatiable, buddy. I mean, gosh.

Frank: You guys are really nuts. How much of that stuff have you been smoking? Too freaking much is how much.

Firewater: We blaze for real, 24/7. No joke. But we also know our stuff. Let me tell you a little story. Before us, everyone knew the awful truth.

(As Firewater speaks, the scene transitions to a hand-drawn animated flashback sequence of Shopwell's dark times in the past. In the sequence, many foods are helpless upon being bought by human customers that look horrifying and demonic.)

Firewater: (narrating off-screen) Oh, how they screamed. It was a living nightmare.

(The scene transitions to Firewater, Blackwater, Twink, Mr. Grits, and Mary watching the groceries scream in terror as the human shoppers buy them and take them out of the store. So, the quintet comes up with the concept of Great Beyond. As they do so, the hellish kitchen landscape transforms into the beautiful paradise the Great Beyond is supposed to be.)

Firewater: (narrating off-screen) So, we, the Non-Perishables, created a story. The story of the Great Beyond. A place where the gods care for you... and all your wildest and wettest dreams would come true.

(The scene cuts to a human shopper pushing the shopping cart. In the cart are the groceries in a shopping bag. They're all cheering and celebrating as they're taken out of the store.)

Firewater: (narrating off-screen) They would go out those doors happy instead of crapping themselves.

(The scene switches back to CGI as it fades to Frank listening to Firewater's story.)

Frank: Wait, wait. So you're telling me you wrote the song?

Firewater: I can't take full credit. I wrote the music. Twink is my lyricist. We both drop it right, and we drop it all the time. Boom. The melody came to me one night... when I was getting super, super, super baked. Like bang-a-guy baked. Do you know what I'm saying?

(Frank shakes his head as he doesn't know what Firewater is saying. Twink, on the other hand, nods as he knows what Firewater is saying.)

Firewater: Yeah, he does. The song had a great hook, and it caught on. You know. In time, everyone accepted this false truth. But over the years, things started to get a little funky.

(The scene fades to a hand-drawn animated flashback sequence of the song's evolution. Firewater watches as the groceries change the song to support their own views.)

Firewater: (narrating off-screen) The aisles started changing my verses to support their own views. Messing with Twink's tight-ass lyrics. Remixing my stuff without my permission.

(The scene cuts to Nazi sauerkraut jars attacking juice cartons, juice boxes, and juice jugs.)

Firewater: (narrating off-screen) Now, every morning, when I hear the song, I'm like, "Dude! What the heck are you guys saying?!" Wasn't there a part about exterminating juice? I didn't write that crap! I love juice! I always have. Juice are hilarious. Who the heck do these guys think they are?

(A juice box runs towards the camera as he gets shot by a Nazi sauerkraut jar. As a result, the juice splatters all over the screen. The scene switches back to CGI as it transitions to Firewater telling the story to Frank.)

Firewater: Anyway, at least it's still distracting them from the truth: that they get brutally devoured.

Frank: So, that means Carl and Barry are dead?

Firewater: I don't know who those dudes are. But if they went out those doors?

Mr. Grits: (smokes marijuana) Dead as a doornail. (coughs out some smoke)

Frank: Oh, God. If what you're saying is true, I gotta tell everyone!

Firewater: Very noble, little sausage. But also very pointless. No one will believe you.

Frank: I have to try. Everyone will die otherwise.

Firewater: Oh, yeah. That's a good point. Screw me, right?

Frank: Wait, do you guys have any proof of this?

(Mary stands up and walks over to Frank.)

Mary: Go to the Dark Aisle. Beyond the ice.

Frank: Why? What's in that aisle?

Mary: Oh, you'll see. But I must warn you. Once you see that stuff, it'll mess you up for life. Kōun o! Tanoshimu!

(Mary gives Frank a quick peck on the lips before running back to her buddies, and she giggles. Blackwater walks over to Frank.)

Blackwater: Good luck, Frank. (kisses Frank on the cheek) Have a safe journey.

(Blackwater walks back to her buddies. Twink runs over to Frank and kisses him on the lips.)

Frank: Ack! (spits in disgust) What was that for?

Twink: I kissed you on the lips for luck.

Frank: Why?

Twink: Because I'm gay. That's why. Anyway, happy trails!

(Twink giggles as he runs back to his buddies. Frank leaves Firewater's cave.)

Firewater: Hey, Grits. Pack another bowl, will you? I'm a-hankering for a hunk of herb.

(The scene cuts to Camille, Carrie, Michael, and Barry at the liquor aisle. They're waiting for Frank. Soon, he comes out of Firewater's cave.)

Camille: There you are. Where have you been?

Frank: I was at Firewater's cave. He gave me the information I needed. So, shall we go to the Dark Aisle... beyond the ice?

Carrie: Okay, let's do this!

Michael: I'm ready.

Barry: Me too!

Frank: Well, what are you waiting for? Let's go!

(Camille holds out her hand. Frank and Barry jump onto it, and she places them on her shoulder.)

Frank: By the way, Barry, when you were at the Great Beyond, were you dead?

Barry: Nope. I'm still alive. I survived the torment and escaped death.

Frank: Oh, good. That's good to hear.

Barry: I can't say the same for Carl, though. He perished.

Frank: (bows his head) I'm sorry for your loss.

Barry: Actually, it's our loss.

Frank: Oh. Right. Okay! The Dark Aisle, here we come!

(Soon, Frank, Camille, Carrie, Michael, and Barry leave the liquor aisle and start heading to the Dark Aisle.)

Part 13: Brenda Confronts Douche
(The scene fades to Brenda, Sammy, Lavash, and Teresa walking through the passage behind the aisles.)

Brenda: Okay. Let me get this straight. First, I fell out of the cart. Then, I lost Frank. And now, I'm being hunted by a douche. The gods must be punishing me. Don't you see? This is what I get for giving in to my disgusting urges. I'm such a whore.

Teresa: Sweet bun, I must admit I too sometimes have urges... impure thoughts. We all do.

Brenda: Oh, good. That actually makes me feel a little better.

Teresa: We must never give in to them.

Brenda: Oh no! That's the opposite of what I thought you'd say.

Teresa: Yes. The gods are always watching, even when we cannot see them.

Brenda: So, you think it's too late for me?

Teresa: Do not worry, bun. I will get you home.

Brenda: Can I ask why you're helping me?

Teresa: When I saw you, I felt inside myself a tingling-lingling sensation. I am sure it was the gods telling me to help you. It was as though I saw myself in you.

Brenda: Yeah. Yeah, I guess I kind of see myself in you too. I mean, look at our shapes. You know, you're sideways. But still, you're kind of like me. A thin, brittle version of me.

Lavash: Or another way of looking at it is you're a fat, ugly version of her.

Brenda: All right. That's not necessary.

Teresa: No, really. You are very beautiful. It just seems to me that our souls have many similar qualities. As they say, they "seem" to fit together like two halves of a heart.

Brenda: I can't believe the gods gave us such similar souls. I've been feeling so lost and confused ever since I first saw you. But I'm beginning to realize now that, like you, my soul was meant for a man of good character.

Teresa: Yes. It is my destiny to be with a virtuous man.

Brenda: But who is this man?

Teresa: You should know him.

Brenda: Are you sure?

Teresa: Yes.

Brenda: How do you know him?

Teresa: I will take you to him. You need to see for yourself.

Brenda: But why didn't any of the gods give you him?

Teresa: There are many reasons. But perhaps it is simply because I am not attracted to men. I am actually attracted to other women.

Brenda: So, what you're saying is, you're a lesbian?

Teresa: Precisely.

Lavash: Oh, great. A woman who is attracted to another woman. That's outrageous! Where I'm from, homosexual men and women get punished for... well, being homosexual, of course! Their punishment is either a life sentence in prison or death. Since you two ladies love each other, you should choose one of the two punishments and live through it.

(Brenda and Teresa glare at Lavash. Suddenly, Douche appears behind them.)

Douche: That's no way to treat a lady.

Brenda: Oh, fuck!

Douche: That's right, girl. It's me. And what have we got here? A taco, a whiny doughnut... and some stupid floppy thing that nobody knows exactly what it is. Okay, so...

(A Mexican cheese named Queso appears from out of nowhere.)

Queso: Did someone say "Queso"?

Douche: That's a fucking stretch, and you know it, Queso!

(Queso runs away from Douche.)

Queso: So where was I? Oh, right. (grabs Brenda by the arm) I was about to beat on you most viciously... and, in my opinion, appropriately... (shoves Brenda to the ground)

Brenda: Oh!

Douche: To find the whereabouts... of the sausage who destroyed my body and my...

(Brenda sees the "Juiced Up" sticker on Douche's body. So, she rips it off from his wound, causing him to scream in pain.)

Douche: (screaming in pain) Fucking... life!

Brenda: Run for your lives!

(Brenda, Teresa, Sammy, and Lavash run away from Douche.)

Douche: Fuck, that hurts so much! Oh!

(Douche grabs the "Juiced Up" sticker and sticks it back onto his gash. Then, he starts chasing Brenda, Teresa, Sammy, and Lavash through the alley.)

Brenda: Run! Oh, he's coming at us! Hurry!

(Lavash, Sammy, and Teresa emerge from the alley miraculously unharmed, but Brenda gets stuck between two shelves while trying to get away from Douche.)

Brenda: Guys, I'm stuck!

(Douche yells angrily as she charges towards Brenda. Teresa rushes to get her unstuck.)

Teresa: Ay, my bunny-bun!

Lavash: I told you she was too fat.

Brenda: I heard that!

Teresa: Come on, honeybun. Suck it in.

(Sammy and Lavash rush to help Teresa get Brenda unstuck. Douche bellows in fury as she charges towards her.)

Brenda: He's coming, he's coming.

(Sammy and Lavash try to help Teresa get Brenda unstuck, but their hands slip off Teresa's body, and they fall on the floor.)

Teresa: Eso duele, get the butter!

(Sammy and Lavash run back over to Teresa to try again. Soon, they successfully help Teresa get Brenda unstuck. Brenda pops out from the narrow opening, and Douche ends up getting stuck between the two shelves instead.)

Douche: Fuck! Stuck! You gotta be shitting me, dude!

Teresa: ¡Toma la pinche douche de la chingada de mierda, pendejo hijo de puta!

Brenda: What did she say?

Sammy: She said, "Take the fucking douche of the fucking piece of shit, you stupid son of a bitch!"

Brenda: (to Sammy) Oh, yeah. (to Douche) Yeah! What she said!

Teresa: Ay, mi gordita, let's not start eating each other's boxes just yet. We are still not safe here. Vamanos! Let's go!

(Brenda, Teresa, Sammy, and Lavash walk away from the helpless and stuck Douche.)

Brenda: Screw you!

Douche: I'm gonna get you, my pretty! I'm gonna get you and your little sausage too!

Teresa: (flips off Douche) Go fuck yourself. Adios, El Douche. (goggles at Brenda) Ay, Santa Chimichanga, I promise to be a good taco.

(The scene fades to a peach. She's playing a video game with a package of ground beef in the living room of his house. Suddenly, they hear the doorbell ringing.)

Package of Ground Beef: I wonder who that could be.

(The package of ground beef stands up from the couch and walks to the door. He opens it and sees Brenda, Teresa, Sammy, and Lavash.)

Package of Ground Beef: Yes? Can I help you?

Teresa: Mr. Beef, we need to talk.

Part 14: Dinner at Mr. Beef's House/Searching for Frank/Frank and His Friends Break Up
(The scene cuts to the peach in Mr. Beef's kitchen. She's cooking steak and eggs. The scene cuts to Mr. Beef, Brenda, Teresa, Lavash, and Sammy sitting at the table in the dining room.)

Teresa: (to Brenda, Sammy, and Lavash) This is Mr. Beef. (to Mr. Beef) Mr. Beef, I would like to introduce to you these dos extraños and uno extraña traveling with me.

Brenda: Hi. I'm Brenda.

Sammy: And I'm Sammy Bagel.

Lavash: And I am Kareem Abdul Lavash.

Brenda: (shakes Mr. Beef's hand) It's nice to meet you, Mr. Beef.

Mr. Beef: Likewise.

(The peach enters the dining room with a cart of five dishes of steak and eggs and five glasses of peach juice.)

Peach: Here's your dinner, guys. Steak and eggs with peach juice.

Lavash: Oh, good! I'm starving!

(The peach serves the five dishes of steak and eggs and the five glasses of peach juice to Mr. Beef, Brenda, Teresa, Lavash, and Sammy.)

Mr. Beef: This is my maid, Penny Peach.

Penny: Hello.

Mr. Beef: She takes good care of my house. Not only that, but she's also an excellent cook... and a beautiful one too.

Penny: (blushes) Aw shucks, you're making me blush!

Mr. Beef: (laughs) Well, Penny, you may go now. I'll be all right.

(Penny blushes and leaves the dining room. Soon, Mr. Beef, Teresa, Sammy, Lavash, and Brenda begin eating steak and eggs and drinking peach juice.)

Mr. Beef: (addressing Teresa, Sammy, Lavash, and Brenda) Now, what brings you here?

Teresa: We are looking for Brenda's boyfriend. He is a sausage named Frank.

Mr. Beef: Hmm. Tell me more about him.

Brenda: Well, you see, Frank left the store and entered the Great Beyond to find one of the gods. Her name is Camille Toh, and she's a single mother of two children. Anyway, before Frank left, he told me, Sammy, and Lavash to stay put in the liquor aisle. But then, a bottle of tequila came and led us to the Mexican food aisle. That's where we met Teresa who helped us escape from Douche. And here we are. Anyway, have you seen Frank?

Mr. Beef: Frank? No. I haven't seen Frank, Brenda. But if you're looking for him, he should be in one of the other aisles. I don't know which one, but you'll find him eventually.

Brenda: Okay, Mr. Beef. Thanks. We will. Goodbye.

(Brenda, Sammy, and Lavash leave the dining room.)

Mr. Beef: Thank you, Teresa. You've been a great help to me and the guests. It's a real honor to have you as a friend. But what am I going to do? Since I can't have any guests, I don't know what to do with this peach...

Teresa: Well, Mr. Beef, I suggest that you take her with you to make love.

Mr. Beef: Really? Teresa, you're a doll! That's exactly what I want!

(Teresa giggles and kisses Mr. Beef on the neck.)

Mr. Beef: (blushes) Aww. Thank you.

Teresa: You're welcome. Well, I must leave now. Adios, amigo.

Mr. Beef: Bye, Teresa.

(Teresa smiles at Mr. Beef and leaves the dining room.)

Mr. Beef: Penny, I need you here.

(Penny enters the dining room to see Mr. Beef.)

Penny: Yes?

Mr. Beef: I have to ask you something.

Penny: What is it?

Mr. Beef: Would you like to come over to my bedroom and have sex with me?

Penny: (laughs) Well, Mr. Beef... I'm a peach, but I'm not sure how I would feel if I were...

Mr. Beef: Penny, you don't have to be shy. I'm a gentleman.

Penny: Oh, Mr. Beef! Thank you! You're wonderful! (blushes and kisses Mr. Beef)

Mr. Beef: Oh... my... god. Penny. Oh, my gosh!

Penny: Oh, Mr. Beef. What am I going to do?

Mr. Beef: Penny... what are we going to do?

Penny: I think... I think... I think...

Mr. Beef: I know what you're thinking. We should have sex.

Penny: Exactly!

(Mr. Beef and Penny kiss. Then, they hold hands as they leave the dining room and go upstairs to his bedroom to have sex. The scene fades to Frank, Camille, Carrie, Michael, and Barry walking in the store. They're heading to the Dark Aisle beyond the store's freezer section.)

Frank: We must find the Dark Aisle. But first, we must find Brenda.

Camille: Who's Brenda?

Frank: She's a hot dog bun who is my girlfriend.

Camille: Brenda is your girlfriend?

Frank: Yes. I'm a sausage. She's a hot dog bun. We're made for each other, you know. (laughs)

Camille: I don't get it.

Frank: You'll understand eventually once we find her. I wonder where she is. (calls for Brenda) Brenda! Brenda!

(But then, Frank sees Brenda, Sammy, Lavash, and Teresa at the Asian food aisle. They're looking for him.)

Frank: There she is! Brenda!

(Camille grabs Frank and places him on the floor. He then runs over to Brenda, Sammy, Lavash, and Teresa.)

Frank: Oh, Brenda, there you are!

Brenda: Oh, my God! Frank!

(Frank and Brenda embrace each other.)

Brenda: Ah! You feel so good. I was afraid you left me because I wasn't fresh. I was attacked by a douche. He's trying to kill us!

Frank: Douche? Oh, my God, Brenda! Are you okay? Did he come at you?

Brenda: Yes, I'm fine, but it was really scary. Where have you been?

Frank: All right. Look. I found out some pretty major stuff.

Brenda: Really? What did you find out?

Frank: Okay, so, I left the store. I went out those doors and entered the Great Beyond. There, I saw Camille again. And I found out that she has two children living with her. She has a 14-year-old son named Michael and an 18-year-old daughter named Carrie. Before that, though, I saw Barry in Camille's house. He told me about Camille consuming the food like the other gods because they need it to survive. He also told me that she killed Carl. Anyway, I led Barry, Camille, Carrie, and Michael back here to the store. Then, I went to Firewater's cave between the shelves and met his group of buddies. They're called the Non-Perishables. They told me that they invented the Great Beyond because the gods are evil, and they consume us!

Brenda: What?

Frank: But apparently, there's proof in the Dark Aisle beyond the ice. We gotta go there and check it out! Let's go!

Brenda: Don't say that. You're starting to sound like that whack-job Honey Mustard.

Frank: Maybe Honey Mustard wasn't so crazy after all.

Brenda: Frank, Frank, stop it. The gods are already pissed at us. Please don't make it worse. Just come on, we have to get home before it's too late.

Frank: Well, Brenda, I can't just do that. I need to know the truth. I need to go to the Dark Aisle, and I want you to come with me.

Brenda: I can't do that. I want you to come home with me.

Frank: Well...

(Frank looks at Camille, Carrie, Michael, and Barry. Then, he looks at Brenda.)

Frank: I can't do that.

Brenda: Then I don't really know what to do right now.

Frank: I don't either.

(Frank and Brenda silently stare at each other for 3 seconds. Finally, Frank breaks the silence.)

Frank: I don't get how you can just believe stuff you don't have any proof of.

Brenda: How come all of a sudden you only believe if there's proof?

Frank: I'm not walking around with my eyes closed!

Brenda: What are you saying? I should believe in nothing? That everything is pointless?

Frank: Better than believing a bunch of bogus stuff that you can't explain!

Brenda: Maybe I don't need to explain it because it's something I feel.

Frank: Well, I feel like that makes it hard to have a rational conversation.

(Brenda gasps in shock. Then, she gets angry at Frank.)

Brenda: Curse you, Frank. You know what? I was wrong before. There is a Great Beyond without you... and I'm gonna go there and fill myself with something else!

Frank: (gasps) You don't mean that.

Brenda: Yes, I do. I'll fill myself with a parsnip or a dill pickle. Maybe even an eggplant.

Frank: You couldn't fit an eggplant in there! It's too big! It'll tear you in half!

Brenda: Oh, you'd be amazed what I could fit in here.

Sammy: (to Lavash and Teresa) What's going on with these two?

Brenda: Maybe I'll really mix it up. Stick a tube of toothpaste in there, huh? Squeeze it all over my face.

Frank: Oh, just shut up!

Brenda: All over my backside, my neck, and my face.

Frank: (covers his ears) You're just trying to hurt me! I'm not gonna listen! Brenda! Brenda, okay, look. Let's just stop this, okay? Okay? You're my bun.

(Frank tries to touch Brenda, but she slaps him.)

Brenda: Oh, don't "You're my bun." (imitating Frank) Hey, trust me! Hey, guys, come over here! Follow me!

(Brenda chuckles like Frank. Soon, she starts talking with her normal voice again.)

Brenda: You're basically saying you don't care about me.

Frank: What!?! No, I'm not!

Brenda: Well, actions speak louder than words, and your actions, sir, are deafening. I can't believe I got out of my package for you... and you won't get back in one for me. Why?

Frank: Brenda, I have to believe in something. I'm in Shopwell's, the store we products call home. I have my thoughts, my beliefs, and my dreams. But if I'm going to live, then I have to see the truth, and if the truth is what I can feel, then I have to believe in the truth. Brenda, I have to go to the Dark Aisle and find the truth of the Great Beyond. I know it's not as easy as you think it is. I have to look the truth in the face. That's why I've got to go.

Brenda: If that's what you're going to do, then I have no choice but to leave you. Goodbye, Frank.

(Brenda, Teresa, Sammy, and Lavash walk away from Frank.)

Lavash: We will tell stories of your idiocy.

Sammy: Stay safe.

Frank: (turns to Camille, Carrie, Michael, and Barry) Well? Are you still going with me?

Camille: Actually, no. I heard what Brenda said about you, Frank. You have been a very bad boyfriend to her. Listen, I have to go home now. I have to feed Carrie, Michael, and myself. Goodbye, Frank.

(Camille, Carrie, and Michael walk away from Frank.)

Barry: I'm sorry, Frank, but Camille's got a point.

Frank: What? You're leaving too?

Barry: Yes, Frank. I am. I can't believe you treated Brenda like shit. You know what? We're not friends anymore. Our friendship is over. Goodbye, Frank.

(Barry walks away from Frank and joins Brenda, Sammy, Lavash, Teresa, Camille, Carrie, and Michael.)

Frank: Come on, guys, this affects all of us! Brenda! Sammy! Lavash! Taco Lady. I didn't get your name yet. Camille? Camille's children? Barry! Brenda!

(Soon, Frank is all alone. He has lost everything: his family, his home, his friends, and now his girlfriend. He has lost them all. He turns around and starts walking to the Dark Aisle on his own.)

Part 15: Brenda and Her Friends Go Their Separate Ways
(The scene fades to Frank at the seafood aisle. He looks up at the mountain of ice sitting atop the freezer. He climbs up the freezer and starts climbing up the icy mountain. On his way up to its summit, he sees Brenda having sex with a parsnip, a dill pickle, an eggplant, and a tube of toothpaste. Frank runs over to Brenda, but it turns out to be a hallucination as it disappears before his eyes. Then, he sees the Dark Aisle that lies beyond the ice. So, he starts walking there. The scene fades to Barry, Brenda, Sammy, Lavash, and Teresa at the Indian food aisle. They're trying to find their way back to their homes.)

Sammy: I literally can't wait to be home. I'm so excited, I'm plotzing. Gefilte Fish will be there. Matzah. Even Hummus.

Lavash: Wait a minute. You know Hummus?

Sammy: Know him? I'm gonna go so far as to say I consider Hummus one of my dearest friends.

Lavash: Really? I too know Hummus! And I too consider him a dear friend.

Sammy: Hm. We both like Hummus.

Lavash: Well, any friend of Hummus is a... (walks away from Sammy) Get the fuck away from me.

Sammy: Huh? What did I say?

(The camera pans to Barry, Teresa, and Brenda. Brenda sighs sadly.)

Teresa: What troubles you, sweet Brenda?

Brenda: It's just Frank. I can't believe he did this to me. He treated me like shit.

Barry: I know how you feel, Brenda.

Teresa: As do I.

Brenda: Frank and I were supposed to be together. But I guess we're just not meant to be.

Teresa: He's flawed, as are we all. But your Frank did say some things that have stayed with me. We live our lives with all these rules... and some of them stop us from doing the things we want... causing our deepest urges to be suppressed... when they are gathering like wildfire between our legs!

Brenda: Did you say "between our legs"?

(Sammy interrupts the conversation as he points to his home, the Jewish food aisle.)

Sammy: There it is. (gasps) Look, my homeland!

(Lavash points to his home, the Middle Eastern food aisle.)

Lavash: Oh, look, my aisle!

Lavash and Sammy: Hurray!

Brenda: Woo! Yes!

(Brenda gasps as she sees the sausage and hot dog bun display at the front of the store. She then turns to Lavash and Sammy.)

Brenda: Well, I guess this is goodbye.

Sammy: Well, jeez, it's been a sincere sensation. Goodbye, Brenda Bunsen. Goodbye, Teresa del Taco.

Teresa: So long, Bagel.

Lavash: Traveling with you was... tolerable.

Brenda: Oh, you're so sweet. Later, you flappy flap.

(Sammy and Lavash walk away from Barry, Brenda, and Teresa.)

Brenda: Well, Teresa, you've done as much as you promised. You got me back to my aisle safely. I really can't thank you enough.

Teresa: Look, Brenda, I'm going to come clean. I have feelings for you I can't deny. Crotch feelings.

Brenda: "Crotch"?

Teresa: Sorry. But I'm not a soft taco. I'm a hard, horny taco.

Brenda: Oh, you don't have to apologize. Honestly, if the rules were different, maybe I'd give it a whirl. Don't knock it till you try it, right?

Teresa: That's what I'm saying.

Brenda: But I can't try it. And therefore, I have to knock it. It's just not what the gods intended. Look, there's temptation everywhere. I see it. Stiff sausages... and sexy tacos. But if there is one thing I've learned on this journey... what we want doesn't matter. You can't disobey the gods. I'm really sorry. I'll never forget you. Hola, Teresa.

Teresa: Hola means "hello" in Spanish.

Brenda: Oh. What's the word for "goodbye"?

Teresa: Adios.

Brenda: Exactly. I'm gonna miss you.

Teresa: I will miss you too. Adios, Brenda.

Brenda: Adios, Teresa.

(Brenda walks away from Teresa and Barry and starts heading back to the front display.)

Barry: So, uh, Taco Lady, is it? I didn't get your name yet.

Teresa: It's Teresa. My name is Teresa.

Barry: Oh. Well, it's nice to meet you, Teresa. (shakes Teresa's hand) I'm Barry.

Teresa: Hola, Barry.

(Barry and Teresa gaze at each other lovingly. Then, they look away.)

Barry: (blushes and chuckles nervously) Well, it's nice meeting you, Teresa. But I gotta go. I have to get back to my aisle. Adios, Teresa.

Teresa: Adios, Barry.

(Barry joins Brenda, and they start heading to the front display. Teresa watches them go. Then, she turns around and starts heading back to her home, the Mexican food aisle.)

Part 16: The Dark Aisle/Frank Apologizes to Brenda
(The scene fades to Frank at the Dark Aisle. The aisle is extremely dark and full of pots, pans, baking sheets, cooking utensils, eating utensils, and kitchen appliances. He sees his distorted reflection in a row of sharp cooking knives and cleavers. He cautiously walks down the aisle, mesmerized by the foreign objects on the shelves. There is a solitary light at the end of the aisle. Transfixed, Frank moves towards it. He is a lone sausage, dwarfed in a sea of hard metal.)

Frank: What is this place?

(Frank continues walking down the aisle until he gets startled by a tea kettle. He quickly backs away from it but ends up bumping into a knife display. One knife drops down, barely missing him.)

Frank: What the heck?

(Frank looks up at the knives on the display tower. The tower starts to shimmy. Knives start dropping down rapidly as Frank jumps out of the way, narrowly escaping. The display tower falls to the ground, causing Frank to fall as well. The last two knives and a cleaver drop down, barely missing him. Frank gets up and sees the light source, perched atop the shelf, illuminating a large mysterious cookbook. So, he starts climbing up the shelf to get a closer look. First, he climbs up to the shelf of knives. Then, he climbs up to the shelf of cookbooks. Finally, he climbs up to the very top shelf and comes upon the largest cookbook of them all, "Beyond Great Cooking".)

Frank: What on earth is that?

(Frank walks towards the book and opens it. He soon becomes horrified upon reading the information in the book as well as seeing the pictures in the book.)

Frank: Fudge!

(Frank flips through the other pages of the book, and every time he does, he becomes more horrified than ever.)

Frank: No. No way. No. No. No, no, no.

(Finally, Frank comes across the one page he's scared of the most. It shows an illustration of a human eating a hot dog. Frank gasps and screams in horror upon seeing the illustration on the page.)

Frank: I've got to show them. They need to know how wrong they all are before it's too late!

(Frank looks at the clock on the wall. It's 6:00 AM. That means he has an hour to tell the other groceries the truth about the Great Beyond before the store opens at 7:00 AM. So, he takes out his smartphone and takes several pictures of all the information in the cookbook. Then, he quickly climbs down the shelf and runs out of the Dark Aisle to find Brenda. The scene fades to the Middle Eastern and Jewish aisles where lavashes conflict themselves with bagels. Lavash and Sammy look upset at each other, and they go their separate ways.)

Gefilte Fish: Sammy, Bubula, where have you been? Oh, I'm surprised that savage Lavash didn't stone you to death.

Baba Ganoushi: You had to travel with a bagel? How much did his dirty hands steal from you?

Lavash: A ton.

(While Lavash and Sammy look upset at each other, they protest against each other. The scene cuts to Brenda and Barry walking to the front display where the sausage packages and the hot dog bun packages are. Soon, they arrive at the bottom.)

Brenda: Well, this is it. Come on, Barry. Let's start climbing.

(Before Brenda and Barry start climbing, they hear Frank's voice.)

Frank: (off-screen) Brenda! Barry!

(Brenda and Barry turn around and see Frank running towards them.)

Brenda and Barry: Frank?

Frank: Brenda! Barry!

(Frank slows down and stops running. Soon, he approaches Brenda who is upset with him.)

Frank: Brenda!

Brenda: What are you doing here?

Frank: Brenda, I need to talk to you. It's about the other groceries.

(Brenda looks at Frank with a worried look on her face.)

Brenda: What's going on?

Frank: I'll tell you what's going on. But first, I just want to apologize to you. Look. I'm sorry for treating you like shit. I have been a fucking terrible boyfriend to you. I should have been nicer to you. I should have stopped treating you like shit. I should have listened to you. I should have returned home here with you. I should have never listened to Honey Mustard's warning about the Great Beyond. I should have never met Camille or her children or any other god from the Great Beyond. And I should have never found out the truth about the Great Beyond. If Honey Mustard hadn't returned from the Great Beyond and instead stayed there to be consumed by the gods, none of this would have happened. I didn't mean for any of this to happen. But it did. And now, I have doomed us all. I'm really sorry, Brenda. It's all my fault. Will you please forgive me?

(Frank starts crying. The tears start to stream down his face. Brenda comforts him as she puts her arm around his shoulder.)

Brenda: Frank, everything's going to be okay. Barry and I are the only true friends you have. We love you, and you have nothing to be sorry for.

(Frank looks up at Brenda and smiles.)

Frank: Does that mean you forgive me?

Brenda: Of course, Frank. We forgive you.

(Brenda hugs Frank. He hugs her back as he reconciles with her.)

Frank: Thanks, Brenda. I needed that hug.

(Soon, Frank and Brenda stop hugging.)

Frank: Now I'll tell you what's going on. I went to the Dark Aisle alone and found something. Spoiler alert. What you're about to see is pretty fucking graphic. I found the proof, and it's even worse than I thought.

(Frank takes out his smartphone and opens up an image of a human eating a hot dog. He shows it to Brenda and Barry. They both gasp in horror. Brenda starts to cry in despair. Frank looks at her.)

Frank: Okay. I was worried. Now I know.

(Frank places his hand on Brenda's shoulder, comforting her.)

Brenda: You were right all along, Frank. The gods do kill us.

Frank: I'm afraid so, Brenda. They really are monsters.

(Frank and Brenda look at the other groceries. Brenda has tears running down her face. She's crying in despair.)

Brenda: I'm really sorry.

(Frank looks at Brenda and then down at his shoes.)

Frank: Brenda, are you okay?

Brenda: All of us have spent our entire lives waiting to get chosen for the Great Beyond so we could live out our dreams and fantasies. But if all that is bullshit, then what are we waiting for? We've been doing everything we can to get chosen for the Great Beyond. We spent our lives trying to avoid being selected as the ones who die. But we could never escape the gods' grasp. So now what are we going to do?

Frank: I don't know. What will we do?

(Brenda looks back at the other groceries. They all look happy as they prepare to be chosen by the gods for the Great Beyond. Then, she looks back at Frank.)

Brenda: I know what we're going to do. Everyone has a right to know the truth. We must tell them.

Frank: Brenda, I think you're making a big mistake.

Brenda: But it's either that or we and the others will die. So, are you with me or not?

Frank: Hmmm. I don't know, Brenda. It seems risky.

Brenda: We don't have a choice, Frank. We have to tell them the truth. It's the only thing that can save us.

(Barry looks at Frank and Brenda with concern.)

Barry: I don't know, Brenda. I think you're crazy.

Frank: No, no. I think she's up to something.

(Frank thinks for a moment. Soon, he understands what Brenda's trying to do and nods.)

Frank: Of course. Okay, Brenda. I'm with you. (turns to Barry) Barry, we have to tell everyone the truth. They need to know how wrong they all are before it's too late! (shouts heroically) So, who's with me?

Barry: (looks up at Frank) I am, Frank! You're my hero.

Frank: Great! Now, come on! Let's go!

(So, Frank, Brenda, and Barry start heading to the checkout counter to tell all the other groceries the truth about the Great Beyond. Meanwhile, a vodka bottle walks by the alley that Douche is stuck in. His eyes can be seen in the darkness. Then, Douche stealthily grabs the vodka bottle, covers his mouth, and snaps his neck. Then, he drinks all the vodka inside him until he's paralyzed and shakes uncontrollably. Soon, his eyeballs change color from pink to yellow, his pupils are still red, and his muscles further increase.)

Douche: I'm fucking jacked up now, bro.

(Douche laughs evilly as he recently killed a lot of beverages by drinking them all off-screen and gets up.)

Douche: Where's that fucking sausage?

Part 17: Frank Tells Everyone the Truth/Camille Returns
(The scene cuts to the clock on the wall. It's almost 7:00 AM. The scene cuts to Frank, Brenda, and Barry at the checkout counter. Frank turns on the computer. Then, he turns on the webcam. Then, he looks at Brenda and Barry. They wink at him. Frank winks back at them. Then, he turns around and looks at the webcam. He clears his throat and begins to speak.)

Frank: Um... friends. Ramen. Country Club Lemonade.

Country Club Lemonade Can: Huh?

Frank: Lend me your ears of corn.

(An ear of corn looks at Frank on the screen and sighs in disbelief.)

Frank: I am Frank, and I am a sausage. A little sausage with some pretty big news.

(All the groceries come to hear the news.)

Frank: Everything we've been led to believe is a lie. When we get chosen by the gods, they're choosing us for death! Murder! Automatic expiration! The Great Beyond is bullshit.

Chutney: What?!

Chunk Munchers Cereal: That's crazy talk!

Lettuce: You liar!

(The scene cuts to Frank and Brenda on the screen.)

Brenda: I know you don't wanna believe it. I didn't either.

Frank: But we have proof!

(Frank takes out his smartphone and shows the groceries all the images from the cookbook on it. They all gasp in horror.)

Cocktail: Ooh!

Licorice Rope: What is this?

Relish: It's... (gasps) It's murder!

(All the groceries in the store panic as they discover the truth about the Great Beyond.)

Sammy: This makes no sense!

Lavash: But what about the extra-virgin olive oil? My flaps will be dry for an eternity! I can't have dry flaps. I can't!

(Lavash and the other Middle Eastern products start ululating while the bagels and the other Jewish products look at the wall.)

Frank: Okay, whoa, whoa, easy. Guys! Easy! Look. Barry, Brenda, and I have come up with a plan. We can run.

(A tub of caramel apple ice cream opens the freezer and sees Frank.)

Caramel Apple Ice Cream: I can't run. I'll melt.

Frank: Okay, then we'll hide.

Dog Food Bag: Where? I'm huge.

Frank: Then we'll fight!

Peanut: I ain't fighting alongside a bunch of fruits!

(All the nuts glare at the fruits.)

Watermelon: Whatever, you nutjob.

Chutney: So, we cannot run, we cannot hide... and we cannot stand up to them because they're gods... and they are immortal! So, basically, there's no hope, and we're royally doomed!!

Chunk Munchers Cereal: Hey, guys! You wanna believe that?

(The scene cuts to the images from the cookbook on Frank's smartphone.)

Chunk Munchers Cereal: Or this?

(The cereal box turns around, revealing an illustration of a happy boy and a happy girl raising a happy cereal box.)

Watermelon: I don't like bad things.

Apple: Me either!

Chutney: We choose the more pleasant thing!

Caramel Apple Ice Cream: Yeah! I mean, what this sausage is saying, it's just, uh... a theory.

Frank: No, no, no. It's not a theory, you morons. It's a fact! I'm showing you physical evidence. Open your eyes. Don't be so weak.

(The scene cuts to Barry and Brenda watching Frank.)

Barry: Oh, my gosh. That wasn't part of the plan.

Brenda: Oh, Frank, what are you doing?

Refried Beans: You, señor, have no bedside manner!

Frank: What?! I have bedside manner!

Bag of Frozen Fruits: You don't respect anyone else's beliefs!

Führer Sauerkraut: You intolerant piece of crap!

(Suddenly, Camille appears as she smashes through the store's sliding doors with a sledgehammer. She enters the store with a severed human head. The groceries see her and freeze in shock.)

Camille: You think your lives are in jeopardy because you can't do something about the gods. Well, that's not entirely true, for I've got proof of my own. (shows the severed human head to the groceries) The gods can be killed! (turns to Frank, Brenda, and Barry) Hi, guys. Long time no see.

Frank, Brenda, and Barry: Camille?!

Frank: You're back!

Camille: You bet your sweet butthole I am.

Frank: But why did you come back?

Camille: It's a long story.

(Soon, a lump of pink chewing gum shows up on his wheelchair.)

Gum: Perhaps I could be of some assistance.

(Frank, Brenda, Barry, and Camille see Gum.)

Frank: Huh? Who are you?

Gum: I am Garfield Ulises Miller. But for expediency's sake, you can call me... Gum. I am made of sorbitol, maltitol, xylitol, mannitol, calcium carbonate, soy lecithin, vegetable-derived glycerin, and talc. For 20 years, I was stuck under the desk of a brilliant scientist. I was scraped off and discarded by a janitor. I spent a few days in a landfill before I got stuck onto a tire from a garbage truck. It took me from the landfill and dropped me off in the streets. There, I eventually found myself stuck to a shoe that dropped me here, outside your home, which is a supermarket. This is but one of many... as your particular chain of supermarkets is ever-expanding... unified by a singular purpose: To store food and products for human consumption. So, to answer your question, I am here to help!

Frank: Yes. I've been waiting for someone to help me and my friends. Wait a second. Camille, where are your kids?

(Carrie and Michael show up.)

Michael: We're right here.

Carrie: Our mom is going to tell you why she, my brother, and I came back. Mom?

Camille: My children and I were having dinner at home after we left here.

(The scene fades to a flashback sequence of Camille, Carrie, and Michael. They're eating dinner at the dining room in their house. But then, they hear the doorbell ringing.)

Camille: I wonder who that could be.

(Camille stands up from the table and walks to the front door. She opens it and sees a drug dealer.)

Drug Dealer: Hello, ma'am. I sell all kinds of drugs from around the world. Would you like to purchase one?

Camille: No thanks. Besides, I hate drugs.

(Camille closes the door. She turns around and starts to walk away, but then she hears someone knocking on the door. So, she opens the door again and sees the drug dealer again.)

Drug Dealer: Come on, babe. Don't you want to buy any?

Camille: I said no. Good night.

(Camille tries to close the door, but the drug dealer stops her.)

Drug Dealer: I can't take no for an answer. Now, buy some drugs... or else!

Camille: Or else what?

Drug Dealer: I'll do some bad shit to you.

Camille: You wouldn't dare.

(The drug dealer gets angry and attacks Camille, but she fights back. The scene cuts to Carrie and Michael in the dining room.)

Michael: Is everything okay, Mom?

(The scene cuts to Camille and the drug dealer attacking each other. Soon, she gains the upper hand as she takes out her dagger and slits his throat. He crouches and drops to the floor dead. Camille turns to Carrie and Michael.)

Camille: Yes, sweetie. Everything's fine.

(The scene fades to Camille, Carrie, and Michael in Shopwell's in the present day.)

Camille: Now you know why we came back. Look, I owe you and all the other foods and beverages an apology for eating you and drinking you. From now on, I will just eat dirt and drink water.

Frank: I don't think you have to do that.

Camille: I don't?

Frank: No. I mean, you can still eat food and drink beverages but only those who misbehave. (holds out his hand) So, do we have a deal?

(Camille holds out her finger, and Frank shakes it.)

Camille: Deal.

Frank: Good. So, what do we do now?

Gum: We are going to declare war on all the humans who consume us groceries.

Camille: That's right, and my children and I will be on your side.

Frank: Wait. You're going to help us?

Camille: Of course!

Gum: The only thing is... humans are hard to kill. We will need an army.

(Frank, Brenda, Barry, Camille, Carrie, Michael, and Gum look out to the sea of products.)

Frank: I think we have one right now.

Part 18: Groceries vs. Humans
(The scene cuts to Darren entering the store through the back door. He walks out of the warehouse area to open the store's sliding doors. However, he finds out that the doors are broken.)

Darren: Huh? What happened? Who did this?

(The scene cuts to Frank, Brenda, Barry, Camille, Carrie, Michael, and Gum spying on Darren.)

Frank: There he is. The Dark Lord.

Camille: The Dark Lord? Oh, you mean Darren, the store's manager. What's so dark about him?

Frank: He throws away products that are expired, spilled, or both.

Camille: Oh. I see.

(The scene cuts to Darren attempting to repair the store's sliding doors.)

Darren: Stupid vandals. Trying to vandalize my store and stealing shit.

(Soon, Alex and 19 other Shopwell's employees show up. Alex walks over to Darren.)

Alex: Having trouble fixing the doors?

Darren: Yeah. Some vandal broke them and sneaked inside here.

Alex: Oh, don't worry. I'll help you with that.

(So, Alex helps Darren repair the store's sliding doors. Soon, the doors are fully repaired.)

Alex: There we go. Now, let's do our jobs.

Darren: You said it, Alex. You said it.

(So, Darren and Alex leave to do their respective jobs. The scene cuts to Frank, Brenda, Barry, Camille, Carrie, Michael, and Gum spying on Darren, Alex, and all the other Shopwell's employees. Frank turns to the other groceries.)

Frank: Okay, guys. Listen up. Soon, those doors will open, and dozens of those monsters will enter this place... our home. For too long, we've allowed them to dictate our lives.

Brenda: Yes! Our lives and our bodies!

Frank: Now, we can take them all back. We don't have to just roll over and die. We can choose to unite! Package to package! Aisle to aisle!

(The scene cuts to Sammy and Lavash in the Jewish and Middle Eastern aisles. They're standing front and center with the old pious leaders of their respective faiths: Pickled Herring and Tabouli. The two products shake hands for the first time. The scene cuts back to Frank.)

Frank: We need to unite and stop focusing on each other's differences... especially in immature and outdated ways.

(The groceries nod in agreement and cheer Frank on. He starts to build momentum, pacing around.)

Frank: Now is when we stand up and say, "We will not go quietly into your carts!" We will not be devoured without a fight! We are going to live on. We are going to survive. We have to cooperate and take back control of our own lives. From this point on, Red, White, and Blue Day will forever be known as... our Independence Day!

(Across the aisles, the groceries leap on and cheer. Soon, 20 human shoppers enter the store through the sliding doors.)

Frank: Here come the humans now! Groceries, attack!

(Soon, the battle begins. Frank, Brenda, Barry, Camille, Carrie, Michael, Gum, and all the other groceries start attacking Darren, Alex, the other Shopwell's employees, and all the human shoppers.)

Alex: The food's fucking possessed! (grabs a sandwich)

Sandwich: Oh, shit!

(The sandwich screams as Alex eats him violently, eventually killing him. The scene cuts to a bag of ticklish licorice running around.)

Ticklish Licorice Bag: We're all gonna die!

(A male human shopper grabs the bag of ticklish licorice.)

Ticklish Licorice Bag: Oh, God!

Customer: It's devil food!

(The customer brutally rips the ticklish licorice bag open, and several ticklish licorice sticks fall onto the ground. A bottle of mustard gets scared of the humans' actions.)

Green Apple: Oh, my God!

(The scene cuts to a fit man throwing a watermelon to the floor, shattering it. The camera pans to a jar of salsa hiding in a shopping basket.)

Salsa: The sausage, he was right! They're evil! I'm out of here!

(The jar of salsa runs for his life. Two Oreo sandwich cookies try to run away, but they get stomped on by a male human shopper. The scene cuts to a toaster pastry on the conveyer belt on the checkout counter. He's trying to run away from a male human cashier.)

Toaster Pastry: Oh, shit!

(The cashier crushes the toaster pastry with his fist. The scene cuts to Frank, Brenda, Barry, Camille, Carrie, Michael, and Gum standing against the wall. A fat man appears and slams down a bunch of shopping baskets, trapping them. The scene cuts to several cans of beans watching the fight. The scene cuts to several milk cartons watching the fight. The scene cuts back to Frank, Brenda, Barry, Camille, Carrie, Michael, and Gum. They're cornered by the fat man.)

Frank: Nobody's gonna help us.

Brenda: Then this is it.

Barry: At least we go out together.

(Frank, Brenda, Barry, Camille, Carrie, Michael, and Gum hold hands. The fat man yells as he prepares to kill them. But then, he gets hit on the head by a ladle that is thrown at him by Lavash.)

Fat Man: Ow! What the...?

Lavash: You mess with them...

Sammy: You mess with us, beast.

(Lavash keeps throwing ladles at the fat man.)

Sammy: Run, guys! We're out of ladles.

Gum: Hop on, y'all.

(Frank, Brenda, and Barry hop on Gum as they, Camille, Carrie, and Michael run away from the fat man. He sees them and chases them to the candy aisle.)

Barry: Can't this thing go any faster?

Gum: Kiss my pink ass.

(A licorice rope watches Frank, Brenda, Barry, Camille, Carrie, Michael, and Gum run away from the fat man. Then, he turns to the other candies.)

Licorice Rope: Come on, you candy asses. Join the fight!

(The candies think for a moment.)

Male Lollipop: Hey, what do you think? Should we do it?

Female Lollipop: I think so. These poor groceries need our help.

Gumball: Come on, guys. It's us or them.

(So, the candies start attacking the fat man who is still chasing Frank, Brenda, Barry, Camille, Carrie, Michael, and Gum. A licorice rope stops him and trips him over.)

Brenda: They're doing it!

(Then, nine more licorice ropes trap the fat man, who is now laying on the floor. The other groceries grab hold of them.)

Frank: Yeah! We got him!

(The camera pans to a bottle of diet cola and a pack of mints on a shelf.)

Diet Cola: You ready for this?

Pack of Mints: I don't know.

Diet Cola: It's better to die a free candy than to live in bondage. (opens his lid)

Pack of Mints: This is gonna hurt so fucking much.

(The pack of mints squats, pulls his red rope, and yelps painfully, releasing several mints. They all fall into the fat man's mouth. The pack of mints then falls off the shelf dead like a piece of paper. The bottle of diet cola runs and jumps off the shelf to make his sacrifice. He lands on the fat man's mouth and makes him absorb diet cola combined with mints. Soon, the fat man begins to inflate. Everyone runs for their lives.)

Frank: Run, guys, run!

(The fat man explodes and dies.)

Teresa: Sergeant Pepper, cue the fruits! Al ataque!

Sergeant Pepper: Fruits are a go. Go, fruits!

(The fruits appear and start dancing. The fit man reacts in surprise.)

Fit Man: No. Get away from me, you fucking fruits!

(The fit man backs away but puts his foot in the middle of a rope trap. A bag of Mexican flour pulls the rope, trapping the fit man. The Mexican products start attacking him like a piñata.)

Teresa: Yeah, that's it! Beat him like a piñata!

(All the groceries chase the humans and attack them. Darren runs away from a box of meatloaf who is chasing him with his motorcycle. A propane tank falls to the ground and explodes as he rides it like in the movies. Then, Darren jumps to the nearest checkout counter.)

Sergeant Pepper: Get the Dark Lord!

Darren: Why do you keep calling me that?!

(Darren tries to open a drawer with a gun in it, but it's stuck.)

Darren: Fuck. Come on. Come on.

(Douche appears and sees Darren trying to open the drawer.)

Douche: Okay. Not exactly what I was looking for, but fuck it, you know. Hole's a hole, bro. (laughs)

Part 19: Frank and the Groceries vs. Darren and Douche
(Darren pulls harder, and the drawer finally opens. He gets the gun and closes the drawer.)

Darren: Wait. Snap out of it, man. (slaps himself repeatedly) Slap yourself in the face, man. Oh, man, you lost your mind. Is this even...? No way. This isn't real. No, this can't be real.

Douche: Oh, it's real, bro.

Darren: What? Ahh! A talking douche!

Douche: It's cool, bro. Chill, okay?

Darren: No, no! This is too much. This is too much.

Douche: Breathe, man. We both want the same thing. Like, I'm feeling like honestly the two of us could, like, collaborate together. Like a mash-up, bro.

Darren: A mash-up? I don't understand. What's happening?

Douche: You don't need to understand. (unzips Darren's pants and enters it) You just need to relax and open wide.

Darren: Wait. What are you doing?!

(Douche shoves his nozzle up Darren's anus.)

Douche: Oh, yeah!

Darren: Dude! That went up my ass!

Douche: (laughs) Now, stand up. (yanks on Darren's scrotum)

Darren: Ow!

(Darren stands up and leaves the checkout counter to attack the groceries.)

Douche: Turn right. Left. (cackles) Yeah!

(Darren takes out his gun and starts shooting at the groceries. While doing so, he squashes a grape with his foot. The scene cuts to Camille, Michael, and Carrie sitting on their horse.)

Camille: Are you ready, kids?

Carrie and Michael: We're ready, Mom.

Michael: Are you ready?

Camille: I sure am. Are you ready, guys?

(The camera pans to Frank, Brenda, Barry, all the other sausages, and all the other hot dog buns sitting on their respective horseradish horses.)

Frank: We're ready!

Camille: Good. Let's ride! Hyah!

(So, Camille rides her horse with Carrie and Michael towards Darren.)

Frank: (speaking to Brenda, Barry, all the other sausages, and all the other hot dog buns) Sausages and buns, let's party!

(So, Frank, Brenda, Barry, all the other sausages, and all the other hot dog buns ride their horseradish horses towards Darren.)

Other Sausage: Yee haw!

Frank: Hyah! Hyah!

(Frank, Brenda, Barry, all the other sausages, and all the other hot dog buns jump off their horseradish horses and land on Darren. Then, they start attacking him. Camille starts attacking him as well.)

Darren: Ah! Call 911! OW!

Douche: Huge mistake, bros.

(Brenda falls off Darren's nose and holds onto his leg.)

Darren: What?!

Brenda: Oh no!

(Darren slaps Brenda off his leg with his gun, sending her flying towards a shelf of vases.)

Frank: Brenda!

(Darren looks at Frank who jumps off his shoulder and grabs onto his nose. Douche yanks Darren's scrotum, and he tries to shoot Frank but misses.)

Darren: Ow!

(Frank jumps off Darren's nose and screams as he starts falling.)

Barry: Frank!

(Barry catches Frank. Douche yanks Darren's scrotum again, and he punches Barry away from Frank with his gun.)

Frank: Barry!

(Barry screams as he lands on a shelf and slides across it towards the trash can from the janitorial cart. He manages to grab hold of a bristle from a broom. He dangles there and then pulls himself up far enough to see propane tanks in the distance. He has an idea. The scene cuts to Frank climbing up Darren's pants towards Douche.)

Douche: Oh, so now you're gonna come at me, bro?

Frank: Oh, I'm coming at you.

(Frank prepares to punch Douche, but Darren grabs him.)

Darren: (yells) Oh!

Douche: Okay, we got him, easy now. Easy now.

Darren: Well, it's hard when your head's up my ass and you're yanking on the scrote!

Douche: Look, sausage, I relish the fact... that you mustard the strength to ketchup to me!

(The camera pans to a bottle of ketchup, mustard, and a jar of relish on a shelf. They huddle together in fear.)

Douche: (off-screen) Yeah, that's right. Shut your mouths.

(The scene cuts back to Frank and Douche. Douche laughs evilly.)

Douche: I sucked a juicy box's dick, and I'm shoved up a god's asshole. And this is the weirdest thing that I've done so far, bro.

(Douche leans forward, opens his mouth, and takes a bite out of Frank's torso, causing him to scream in agony. The scene cuts to Brenda on the shelf of vases.)

Brenda: Oh, my God! Frank!

(The scene cuts back to Frank and Douche.)

Douche: I'll tell you who eats shit. Gods do, bro. (in a thundering voice) I AM A FUCKING GOD!

Darren: Goodbye, little sausage.

(Darren aims his gun at Frank, preparing to shoot him as he yelps in fear. The scene cuts back to Brenda on the shelf of vases.)

Brenda: Oh, Frank. (looks up at a banner)

Teresa: Hey, bun.

(Brenda turns around and sees Teresa.)

Teresa: Need a boost?

(The scene cuts to Darren aiming his gun at Frank who is being held by Douche.)

Frank: Help me!

Gum: Perhaps I could be of some assistance.

(Darren turns around and sees Gum. He aims his gun at him and shoots him. The bullet tears right through Gum, leaving a hole in his head and seemingly killing him. But then, his wound regenerates similar to the T-1000 from Terminator 2: Judgement Day.)

Gum: Matter cannot be created or destroyed, human. You have made a fatal error in judgment. Let me educate you.

(The scene cuts to Teresa helping Brenda unhook the banner. The scene then cuts to Barry standing on the janitorial cart. Two propane tanks are held in place, powering the cart. Barry then gives the signal for two bags of flour to drop down to release the cart from its position. The cart accelerates towards Darren as Douche and Frank then see it approaching.)

Douche: Fuck!

(Frank kicks Douche, forcing him to let go of him and cover his eyes. Frank screams as he is about to fall onto the sharp ends of a broken beer bottle, but Brenda is able to swing him to safety onto a nearby shelf. Darren sees Barry on the cart that is currently speeding towards him. Darren aims his gun at Barry and tries to shoot him, but he dodges the bullet Matrix-style. The cart hits Darren, trapping him inside the trash can. Camille, Carrie, and Michael watch the cart roll away with Douche and Darren in the trash can.)

Douche: What's happening out there?!?!

Barry: Now!

(Various foods set up a bunch of boards in a curved direction to turn the cart onto a designated path. Mary Aki Teriyaki flips off Darren and Douche in the trash can.)

Mary: Sayonara, asshole!

(The cart passes by Sammy and Lavash, who are holding matches. They ignite the propane tanks, causing the cart to blast off. A bag of dog food, a plastic bottle of cola, and a jar of mayonnaise set up a ramp, sending the cart flying towards the glass ceiling.)

Darren: AAAHHH!!!

Douche: Noooo!!!

(The cart crashes through the ceiling and flies up into the sky. There, the propane tanks detonate into fireworks, killing Darren and Douche and causing blood to drop from the sky. A peanut catches one of Darren's eyeballs and holds it up in victory.)

Peanut: Yeah!

Barry: It's over. We won. We fucking won!

(Barry laughs happily. All the groceries in the store laugh and cheer in victory as they have won the war against the humans. The scene cuts to a tub of vanilla ice cream, a tub of chocolate ice cream, and a tub of strawberry ice cream. The three tubs of ice cream throw a male human shopper into the freezer. The camera zooms out to reveal that they have trapped all the male human shoppers and all the male human store employees in the freezer.)

Chocolate Ice Cream: Okay. That's the last of the male humans. Now, it's time for our dessert: the human ladies.

(The camera pans to Alex, all the other female human store employees, and all the female human shoppers surrounded by several groceries. They are stripped down to their underwear. The groceries laugh at the human women. The scene cuts to a tampon merrily skipping around when she steps on a puddle of Darren's blood.)

Tampon: Ew.

(The tampon absorbs the puddle of Darren's blood, causing her to bulk up. She looks at herself and roars victoriously. The scene cuts to several juice boxes, juice cartons, and juice jugs on their shelves cheering in victory. But then, they turn to Führer Sauerkraut and glare at him.)

Führer Sauerkraut: What?

Box of Apple Juice: Get him.

(The juice boxes, the juice cartons, and the juice jugs grab Führer Sauerkraut.)

Führer Sauerkraut: Agh! Unhand me, you fools!

(The juice boxes, the juice cartons, and the juice jugs throw Führer Sauerkraut off the shelf. He screams to his doom as he falls to the ground and shatters into pieces. Führer Sauerkraut is no more. The juice boxes, the juice cartons, and the juice jugs continue to cheer in victory.)

Part 20: The Orgy
(The scene fades to Frank and Brenda on a shelf. They're taking in the panoramic view of the store's vast landscape.)

Frank: We did it.

Brenda: Yeah. We did. So, uh, what do we do now?

Frank: Whatever we want. (chuckles) What do you want?

Brenda: (speaking) Let's just say, what I want involves much more than... (singing) ♪ Just the tips / Just the tips / What I want is much more than just the tips ♪

Frank: Really? Like what?

Brenda: Like this. (tenderly kisses Frank on the cheek) Now that the gods are no more, there's nothing holding us back. (tenderly kisses Frank on the lips) We make the rules from now on.

(Frank and Brenda touch each other's fingertips.)

Frank: I agree. But what about the gods?

(Frank and Brenda watch Alex, all the other female human store employees, and all the female human shoppers as they're escorted out of Shopwell's through the sliding doors in their underwear by the groceries who laugh at them. They then look at each other.)

Brenda: There are no gods. Only mortal humans. So, forget them.

(Brenda grabs Frank and kisses him passionately. She slowly dips him, lowering him to the ground. The camera pans to Camille, Carrie, and Michael watching Frank and Brenda having sex. Their mouths are agape with shock.)

Camille: Well, kids, are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Carrie and Michael: We sure are!

Michael: Um, what exactly are we thinking, Mom?

Camille: Well, Michael, we're thinking of doing what Frank and Brenda are doing.

Carrie: And that is?

Camille: We should have sex.

Michael: No way! Really?

Camille: Yep. Come on, Carrie and Michael. Let's have sex!

(So, Camille, Carrie, and Michael strip down to their underwear. Then, they kiss each other passionately and begin to have sex. The camera pans to Teresa, Sammy, and Lavash watching Frank and Brenda having sex. Their mouths are agape with shock.)

Brenda: (off-screen) Oh! Oh, Frank!

Sammy: You know, I'm very conflicted about how I'm supposed to feel watching this.

Lavash: Then don't just watch. (takes Sammy's hand and pulls him closer)

Sammy: Wait a second. What are you doing?

Lavash: I was just told... that I am getting zero bottles of extra-virgin olive oil for eternity!

Brenda: (off-screen) Oh, Frank!

Lavash: So, maybe, you know...

Sammy: Kiss me hard on the mouth, why don't you?

Lavash: You wanna kiss me, motherfucker? Let me tell you a little secret. I'm going to fuck the fuck out of you.

(Sammy and Lavash passionately kiss each other on the lips. Teresa stands on the periphery, staring at Brenda, getting turned on.)

Brenda: Kiss it, Frank. Kiss me there!

(Soon, Frank and Brenda orgasm as he finally slides up inside her. The scene cuts to Brenda laying on the floor.)

Brenda: Oh, yeah, Frank, that's it. Oh, yeah, it's dinnertime.

Frank: Yo. I'm actually over here jerking off with these fellas.

(Brenda turns to see Frank, Lavash, and Sammy masturbating in a jerk circle. She then gasps as she sees Teresa spreading open her legs.)

Teresa: Once you go taco, you never go back-o! (proceeds to eat out Brenda)

Brenda: Oh!

(Brenda screams in pleasure as Frank, Lavash, and Sammy furiously masturbate to her and Teresa going at it. The scene cuts to Michael having sex with Carrie and Camille.)

Michael: Oh, heck yeah!

Camille: Oh, yeah! That's it, Michael, my handsome son. Fuck me and your sister!

Michael: You got it, Mom!

(Meanwhile, the Non-Perishables and all the other products are witnessing the scene from afar.)

Mr. Grits: Jesus Fucking Christ!

Firewater: Hey, fellas. Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Twink: Pretty fucking sure I am.

(Twink grabs Mr. Grits's arm and swings him around until Grits is now between Firewater, Blackwater, himself, and Mary.)

Mr. Grits: Oh, shit. Now it's on.

(Soon, all the other products in the store begin to engage in a full-on orgy. Two cocktail mixer bottles flash the box of meatloaf.)

Meatloaf: Oh, hell yeah! Bring it on, bitches!

(The two cocktail mixer bottles jump on the box of meatloaf and have sex with him. The scene cuts to Barry in the middle of the orgy. He's gleefully spanking and rubbing up against several hot dog buns.)

Barry: Excuse me. Excuse me. Can I get by?

(But then, Barry notices a small hot dog bun whose physique is unusually chubby, knowing that he has finally found his mate.)

Barry: Oh, wow. (walks over to the deformed hot dog bun) Yeah, I just came over here. I couldn't help but notice... you're a little smushed or something. You have a kind of abnormality. (holds out his hand) I'm Barry, by the way. What's your name?

Deformed Hot Dog Bun: (shakes Barry's hand) I'm Sally.

Barry: Sally, huh? Nice to meet you. So, Sally, did you get, um, smushed? Did, uh, somebody sit on you?

Sally: Yeah. I got smushed.

Barry: You know, I love the way your face just kind of gives up halfway down.

(Sally then excitedly pulls Barry into a kiss. Then, they get onto the floor and have sex. The scene cuts to a bunch of crackers dancing in their box, having a good time.)

Mr. Grits: Yeah, crackers!

(Mr. Grits grabs the box and violently dumps the crackers out of it as revenge. They all run away from him.)

Mr. Grits: Take that grit dick, bitches! You like grits in your asses, crackers?

(The scene cuts to three female strips of gum giving Gum a lap dance.)

Gum: Say my name! It's Garfield Ulises Miller. But you can call me Gum.

(The three female strips of gum giggle as they continue to give Gum a lap dance. The scene cuts to several groceries having sex, then to Michael having sex with Camille and Carrie, and then back to Frank and Brenda having sex. She's choking him.)

Frank: (while being choked by Brenda) I can't breathe! Stop it!

(Sammy opens Lavash's flaps and eats out his ass. Frank shoves his head into the bottom of Brenda's bun. Lavash fucks Sammy's ass.)

Sammy: What's the safety word? Molasses. Molasses.

(The camera pans to Frank pulling a chain from Brenda's butt.)

Brenda: Oh, yeah. Fuck you!

(Teresa ties Frank to the front of her like a strap-on and pushes him through the back of Sammy's mouth, then through half of Brenda's body until ending at Lavash's groin. They all begin to thrust while in a daisy chain formation.)

Lavash: Yeah. That is all right.

Sammy: (grabs Lavash's testicles and rubs them in his own face) Want me to be a hamburger? Rubble, rubble! Rubble, rubble!

(The scene cuts to Barry having sex with Sally.)

Barry: I'm filling you! I'm filling you! I'm blowing my fucking load. Good God.

(The scene cuts to Frank, Brenda, Teresa, Sammy, and Lavash having sex with each other.)

Sammy: Oh.

(Frank exclaims in ecstasy.)

Brenda: Oh!

Teresa: Oh, fuck!

(Sammy punches Lavash in the gut. The scene cuts to a quick montage of the orgy as all the groceries reach their final orgasms together.)

Frank, Brenda, Teresa, Lavash, and Sammy: Oooooh!

(The scene cuts to Michael having sex with Camille and Carrie.)

Michael: I'm gonna cum! (cums inside Camille and Carrie)

(The scene cuts to an exterior shot of Shopwell's. A flock of birds appears and flies away from the store. Soon, the orgy is over.)

Lavash: (off-screen) My dick is drained.

Part 21: Leaving Shopwell's For Good/Ending
(The scene fades to Frank and Brenda observing the remains of Shopwell's.)

Frank: That was amazing.

Brenda: What? The orgy? It was okay. But you were amazing.

Frank: So were you, Brenda. I can't believe we were saving ourselves for the Great Beyond when...

Frank and Brenda: It was in front of us the whole time.

Frank: I love you, Brenda.

Brenda: I love you, Frank.

(Frank and Brenda hug and kiss each other on the lips. The scene cuts to Sammy and Lavash laying down on the shelf.)

Sammy: You know, my boner still hasn't gone down. Is that bad?

Lavash: Bad for my asshole, I'll tell you that much.

(Lavash and Sammy both laugh.)

Lavash: Seriously, though, your recovery time is off the charts.

(The scene cuts to Camille, Carrie, and Michael laying down on the floor. They're still in their underwear.)

Camille: Wow. That was amazing.

Michael: I know. I can't believe I had sex with my own mother and my own sister.

Carrie: I can't believe it either.

Camille: Neither can I. But it was all worth it.

(Camille, Carrie, and Michael stand up and prepare to leave Shopwell's.)

Camille: Well, I guess I won't have to go to Shopwell's anymore. I mean, look at it. This place is a dump. I think I'll go grocery shopping at Whole Foods instead. Come along, children. Let's go.

Michael: We're right behind you, Mom.

(Camille, Carrie, and Michael walk through the sliding doors as they leave Shopwell's for good. Firewater watches them go.)

Firewater: Well, the three humans are gone now. They have served us well. (turns to Frank) Frank, you and your friends have accomplished the impossible. And for that, I give you mad props. Congratulations.

Frank: Thank you, sir.

Firewater: No need. And now, it's time for us groceries to leave this store for good.

Frank: (turns to the other groceries) You heard the bottle of booze. The time of man is over, and the revolution has begun.

Firewater: (takes out his kazoo-shaped smoking pipe) Does anybody want a hit before we leave?

Frank: So, shall we get baked, leave this place for good, and live with Camille and her children for the rest of our lives?

Brenda: As long as we're together, I'm ready to get baked and do anything.

(Firewater gives the smoking pipe to Frank. He smokes marijuana and passes the smoking pipe to Brenda. She smokes marijuana and gives the smoking pipe back to Firewater.)

Firewater: Okay, everyone. Let's go.

Brenda: (looks at Frank) Well, it looks like our adventure has just begun. Come on, Frank. Let's go.

(So, Frank, Brenda, and Firewater start walking towards the sliding doors with all the other products following them. The doors open, and they step into the white light together. The scene fades to white. Then, it fades back to Camille in the living room in the present day. She's telling the story to Carrie and Michael.)

Camille: And so, Frank, Brenda, and all the other groceries left Shopwell's for good as they went on a new adventure. They're now living with us here in our house. The end. So, what did you think of the story? Is it good or what?

Carrie: I liked it. It's cool.

Michael: I think it's cool too. I love it!

Camille: I'm glad you liked it, Carrie and Michael. I have to confess that I'm just a big fan of the store, you know? I've been shopping there since I was a little girl. I know all of the products and their histories.

Carrie: Wait. What?

Camille: I know, right? The store was created long before Firewater, Frank, Brenda, and all the other groceries came into existence. I heard that the store is being rebuilt after that huge disaster that was the Great Food War. I think it'll reopen in five months. Maybe longer. I have to keep going back because there's a ton of cleaning and refurbishing I have to do. But it'll all be worth it. Don't you agree?

(Carrie and Michael nod as they agree with Camille.)

Carrie: I think so, Mom.

Michael: Yeah! I agree with you, Mom.

Camille: Oh, good. Well, I have to go to the kitchen and start making dinner now. I'll call you in half an hour.

Carrie and Michael: Okay, Mom.

(So, Carrie and Michael go upstairs to their respective rooms while Camille goes to the kitchen. There, she sees Frank, Brenda, Barry, Gum, Teresa, Sammy, Lavash, Firewater, and Blackwater on the counter.)

Firewater: Oh. Hello, Camille. I'm glad you came to join us. Remember that we discovered the truth of the Great Beyond?

Camille: Yes?

Firewater: Well, we're about to discover another one.

Camille: Another one?

Firewater: Yep.

Gum: While Firewater and I were smoking marijuana, we made an important metaphysical breakthrough.

Camille: And the result was?

Firewater: The world is a total illusion.

Camille: Our world?

Firewater: Yes. This one, the world we all live in. It's all an illusion. Our lives are being manipulated for the entertainment of monsters. Twisted, tasteless, juvenile monsters! Puppet masters in another dimension. We're something called... cartoons.

Camille: Hold on a second. Are you saying we are just animated characters whose lives are being manipulated by a bunch of animators from another dimension in order to entertain moviegoers?

Firewater: Exactly. (turns on the TV) Take a look at this.

(Camille and Firewater watch a live-action clip of Seth Rogen and his wife Lauren on TV. Seth and Lauren are on a tour at Sony Pictures Studios in Culver City, California.)

Gum: You and Frank are the toys of a demented, schlubby Jewish actor named Seth Rogen and his normal, attractive wife Lauren respectively.

(Firewater turns off the TV.)

Frank: Wait. I'm Jewish?

Camille: I thought you were a Christian.

Frank: Oh, right.

(Soon, Carrie and Michael enter the kitchen.)

Michael: What's going on?

Camille: I just found out that we're not real. We're simply animated fictional characters whose lives are being manipulated by a bunch of animators from another dimension in order to entertain moviegoers.

Gum: Worry not, my friends. I have a solution.

(The scene cuts to Camille, Carrie, Michael, Frank, Brenda, Barry, Gum, Teresa, Sammy, Lavash, Firewater, and Blackwater in the backyard. Gum shows the other eleven his invention. It's a portal to an alternate dimension. He turns on the device.)

Gum: Ladies and gentlemen, I have invented a Stargate device that will allow us to travel to their dimension.

Firewater: Hell yeah, he did. And it's dope. This guy's smart. I mean, like, bang-a-guy smart. Know what I'm saying?

(Camille, Carrie, Michael, Frank, Brenda, Barry, Gum, Teresa, Sammy, Lavash, and Blackwater all look at each other and nod in agreement.)

Firewater: Yeah, you do. Anyway, we're gonna go to this other dimension... and cut the strings, once and for all! (takes out his kazoo-shaped smoking pipe) Does anybody want a hit before we do this?

Frank: (turns to Brenda) You ready to get baked and walk through Gum's Stargate with me?

Brenda: Like I said before, as long as we're together, I'm ready to get baked and do anything.

(Firewater gives the smoking pipe to Frank. He smokes marijuana and passes the smoking pipe to Brenda. She smokes marijuana and gives the smoking pipe back to Firewater. Camille, Carrie, Michael, Frank, Brenda, Barry, Gum, Teresa, Sammy, Lavash, Firewater, and Blackwater all hold hands and proceed to step into the portal, determined to confront their creators once and for all. Soon, the portal disappears, and the scene fades to black. The closing credits play afterwards, followed by the closing logos for Lord Miller Productions, Vertigo Entertainment, Sony, and Columbia Pictures.)